Mossie - Here, There and Everywhere

The Last Post

2009-01-23T14:05:00.016Z

This will be the last posting on Mossie's blog. Two weeks have passed since he went. His Mad-But-Not-Actively-Dangerous Woman has shed lots of tears but also had so many hugs and wonderfully kind messages. As Mossie remarked last year, "I know how nice this love thing is".

Bella (Carmwater Orange Princess or HRH if we're being formal) died in 2007. She had never quite got the hang of dignified old age and brought chaos and delight into our lives with equal measure. But there was a big hole in the heart. In a Google moment, rescue Border Collies slid into view and a few weeks later, Mossie arrived. Old, tired and scared, he had wound up in a rescue centre after being found chained up with broken teeth and sore paws from trying to break the chain. He came into my life ready to share all the love in the world in exchange for a safe and loving home. He’d been an outdoor dog and knew nothing of stairs, wall-string-things, washing-rooms and the like. But, everything turned out just as it should. We had the best possible fifteen months.

So, a decision to be made. Clearly, it would be a mad (barking mad, in fact) idea to continue Mossie's blog. The MBNAD woman might turn up somewhere else. I haven't a clue why I started the blog. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Writing was never onerous, in the same way as tumbling out of bed at 6 am to walk on a cold morning wasn't a burden. It was all part of life with Mossie.

But before we go, Mossie's blog was tagged by 65 Roses for a lovely blog award.

So here are my nominations for the lovely blog award:

The Dog's Blog
Get well and stay well, Jasper. So many bitches and so little time.

Bruce
Keep on bouncing Brucie and look after the Bushhouse.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee
Grow up fine and handsome, Jakey.

Henry the Leaphound
Stay noble, Henry and take care of Molly, Wee Pup, your Woman and her OH.

Keep writing your blogs and find four lovely blogs of your own to tag. I'll still be following and hope to enjoy reading about all your happy times.

I hope that you enjoyed reading this. It was fun, it was Grand.

2009-01-13T21:11:00.005Z

Thank you for all the lovely kind words for a Mad-But-Not-Actively-Dangerous-Woman missing her Mossie.

"Just letting you now that I feel for you over the death of Mossie. One thing you do know is that the last year of his life was a good one."

"He had become a part of your family and was especially close to you, who had taken him away from his previous hard life and given him a year of love & fun."

"Poor Mossie, at least you can be sure that his time with you and the family was probably the best he could have hoped for."

" I was so sorry to receive your news"

"I am genuinely sorry for your loss of your beloved Mossie. I know how much you all loved him. He was very lucky and so were you to have each other"

"I am so sad he has gone. He was a good boy. Tears in my eyes"

"I had just read the blog this morning - got a bit weepy - we will miss seeing him with you too. Have a hug for yourself from me this time."

"We are so very very sorry ... thought about Moss and how sad you must be to have lost him and how we will miss walking with you and him too.

At the weekend, apart from his sore paw, he seemed to be in good health and very happy and confident. If there is any consolation it has to be that it seems he was not distressed by his illness for very long also that in the too short time he was with you he felt loved secure and comfortable."

"We were all so upset to hear about poor old Mossie, I couldn't actually speak, I noticed Bruce being hugged on Friday night in a head down nose on his back kind of way ( nothing said). But they have agreed that his retirement was very well spent and he would have enjoyed the luxury of being a house dog."

"I summoned up the courage to read Mossies final blog tonight. It's been a very strange week without him – as well as missing him on our walk, I cant get used to him not being in my passenger seat."

"I am so terribly sorry about Mossie and know how you are feeling, completely lost."

"What a happy and contented last year or so he had - I'm sure he had forgotten all the years that had gone before. I 'm glad he hadn't been ill or in pain for long as he had such a sweet nature. He was a very lucky dog to have found you and had such love from all of you.

The house is so empty with no dog around. Think of all the happy memories you have of his time with you and in time, when you can bear to look at all his photos, you can cry "happy" tears."

"So sorry to hear about dear old Mossie. I'm glad I met him."

"Mossie was such a lovely character and you clearly adored each other. I know it's no comfort but at least you know he had a wonderful, happy time for the last few months of his life."

Slán Mossie

2009-01-10T04:23:00.005Z

After the mishaps of the last two weeks, Mossie was on the mend. No more bandaged paws. A good evening walk, a tasty dinner, followed by a sleep in front of the fire looking after The Tall One and his MBNAD woman. Grand, as he would say.

On Friday morning, he lay in bed and just wanted his MBNAD woman to sit close by and stroke him. Tests and a scan showed that he had a tumour on the spleen which was bleeding. His Little Dark One came home. In the late afternoon, with all the people who loved him by his side, he closed his eyes and was gone. Gentle, stoic, loving and true.

Huna'n dawel, heno, huna.
Suo Gan - Lullaby

"Night night, Mossie."

A Home for Poorly Boys

2009-01-06T09:34:00.006Z

So we had lots of visitors over the turning of the year and the Litter came back to stay as well. The Hello-Mister-Woman and her Man. Tinker-Dog's people (and Tinker-Dog). Of course, I had to take it quietly since my paw was bandaged up but that was alright since we were sitting in the warm with the fire lit. Grand. A wee drop to drink and feet to sleep on. What more could a Colliewobble want.

We wished everyone a Happy New Year over and over again. I even learned to say it in Cat. Blwyddyn Newydd Dda.

The days were really cold and by the time the bandage came off my paw, the Tall One was poorly. Lying down in his bed kind of poorly. Coughing. Sleeping. Coughing. I left the immediate patient care to The Cat since she is expert at curling up on beds and providing Humbug huggles. I kept checking that he was ok.

We were hoping to see Brucie's people but they were a long way off near Here when Here was There if you get my drift and then they all had the coughing-sleeping-coughing. They had a bit more too. Coughing-sleeping-coughing-chucking-up. Brucie's woman said they had to cross the border (no germ control there) to buy individual poptyping meals and pixie size puddings because they were off their food.

By the time the Visitors were leaving the Tall One was still coughing-sleeping-coughing. My MBNAD woman told him he couldn't go back to look for Hot Pixies but had to come back to Here with us till he's better. So, with a very full car and The Cat in her suitcase, we set off back to turn There to Here and back again. By the time we got back, the Tall One was very sad and tired. I wondered if my MBNAD woman would have to carry him indoors like she did with me when I fell over. She says he's got to stay with us till he's better. He's grand company for me in the day and when he had a bit of cheese for lunch, he shared it with me. She says we're her boys and she was glad that I was there to look after him. Which made what came next even worse...

My DB came along to go out for our middle of the day constitutional and when I got back, I fell over the front door step and did it again. That's right. Did it again. Rear nearside this time. Red stuff everywhere: all over the front doorstep, my bed and all points between. My MBNAD woman came home early, all dressed up in her going to work clothes and off we went in the car straightaway. Whole palaver all over again. Vet, clipped claw and bandage. She sat on the floor in the surgery and held me in her arms so that I knew she loved me even though it hurt. And it really did hurt. She held my head next to her and told me how it would soon be over and how much she loved me. I covered her going to work clothes in colliewobble hair. Then it hurt so much, that I peed. Thank Dog, I didn't get her coat.

I let her carry me to the car and then carry me indoors. After all, it don't matter if she gets a bit more colliewobble hair on her coat since it ain't fit to be worn for work at the moment.

Then I let her give me a jacket potato.

Not drunk, just falling down

2008-12-30T16:34:00.006Z

We've had visitors and they've gone and we're just having a breather till the next lot arrive for the New Year. The Man with the Cat arrived for breakfast on Christmas morning. The Litter were here. The Lady from Next Door came to see us. A proper Woo Hoo.

I know all about Woo Hoo Christmas and New Year and the in-between time. I got parcels to open and so did Humbug. I got 2 new dinner plates and we went out throwing them on Christmas afternoon.

My MBNAD woman was really busy in the kitchen. She made lots of nice food and that included cooking the big dead bird that was in the wall-string-cold-cupboard. Giblets. That's what the really tasty bits are called. Giblets.

So now it's just me and and the Cat and my MBNAD woman. Lovely. We can all enjoy sitting in the warm.

All going too well, eh? All the Woo Hoo just like she'd planned and none of it bothered me this time. Didn't even mind when she went off to the the place with dead people in the garden. Well, not too much. Only shouted a bit.

So when we were out walking in the morning I had a little mishap. Cold and crisp just right for a morning walk. I admit that my nose and paws were not pointing in the same direction and I didn't expect the gravestone to be there under me. So I fell over and when I got up, one of my front paws really hurt and there was red stuff dripping all over the place. She carried me for a bit but I'm a bit big for her and it's not just the heavyweight winter coat. When we got home she bathed my paw but it still hurt. So we went to see the Vet. Apparently, they have them Here too. I gave him a hard stare hoping to discourage any unwanted gonad related activity. Turns out he only wanted to look at at my poorly paw. Looking was alright, but touching was not. So I gave him a little warning growl. He still didn't get the message. It hurts so just leave it alone. "Now come on boy, don't do that." So he carried on and that led me to one conclusion. I just had to bite him. Well, not really bite but just to get the message across that I would bite if he didn't desist. He didn't desist but I didn't expect what happened next. Before I could take affirmative action, a strap was put over my jaws so I could only make grumbly noises and not show them my teeth. Then he stuck a needle in my paw and the pain went away. If he'd just done that to start, I wouldn't have tried to exercise the teeth. Then he took away the broken claw and bandaged me up. Walking is a bit difficult and I have to be careful standing on three legs for a pee. It's a bit embarrassing when you fall over in mid flow.

But I am getting a lot of hugs. And we went visiting and I was called a "poor little dog". Evidently, poor little dogs get sausages. Hugs and sausages are making it all bearable.

In the bleak midwinter

2008-12-24T07:00:00.007Z

First of all we loaded the car up with lots of stuff, then me, then the Cat. In her suitcase and with her Opinions. I had Opinions in my earhole from halfway across England and all over the Throw-Money-at-it-Bridge.

"Wales, Mossie, Humbug. Powys. We're Home".

For seventeen days worth of Home. We've turned There to Here for a whole seventeen days.

She's been busy adding more Woo-Hooery to the house. It's beginning to look like the control room of the Large Hadron Collider. We've even got some trees outside the front door with attached Woo Hoo. A ring of kindling stuck on the front door. Lights all over the place. And some sparkly attached to me. I feel a right Woo Hoo.

We went over the border to England to see Brucie's family. They're only just over the border so we can sneak through. Also when we go to that bit of England, we don't have to pay to get back. They've got lots of Woo Hoo too, including a big falling-over-so-don't-sit-too-close-to-it-tree. There were lots of people and dogs visiting them. Pretty golden bitch called Abby with a military background. Bit shy and didn't like her toes making click clack noises on hard floors. I gave her an encouraging nose to nose sniff to show her it was alright. And an old boy called Freddie. An Attack Spaniel. Turns out not to be so old and not much of an attack either. I gave him a serious, Don't-Forget-I'm-Top-Dog-Sonny sniff and stare. You know, shoulders back, slightly stiffened hackles, superior kind of look. Well, we ain't none of us got any bollocks so Top-Dog is an open question and it might as well be me. Then I sat down next to my MBNAD woman and let him sit the other side of her. Then there was Brucie. Being, you know, Brucie. Bouncing off the walls Brucie. If you remember last year, I had an ignominious moment when I got so scared of him that I had to hide behind his Man.

Brucie's Woman was specially nice. Was wearing a bright red dress and legs. The kind of legs that I just had to lean my head against for a hug. Cor-Lummee legs, in fact.

Off to the car-on-rails place to collect the Little Dark One. Grand.

Yet but three? Come one more;
Two of both kinds make up four.

Another trip to the car-on-rails place to collect the Tall One. She's really happy now. We're all here.

And there's a large dead bird in the wall-string-cold-cupboard.

The Collie in Winter

2008-12-17T16:02:00.007Z

It's been a bit cold and sometimes I need a bit more warmth, especially when I've had a bad day. Had an embarrassing moment when I was out walking with my DB. Cool, sauntering along. Fell off the bridge into the stream. Except the stream was more like cold mud. Had to stand there till my DB came and hauled me out. Then I was a bit cold all day, even after being towelled dry.

When we sit down in the evening, I have a special blanket to sit by my MBNAD woman and I make sure that she notices that I like the fire by pointing at it with my nose. Still don't know how she makes it work since she never brings in coal or logs. It's not even a wall-string thing. Probably a bit of magic again since she kneels in front of it and says some incantations before the flames start. Anyway, once it's away, we can sit in front of it all evening without worrying about coal buckets. Grand.

But on the really cold evenings, I need a bit more warming up again with another blanket.

Of course, if the Little Dark One is here, then she sits on the floor and hugs me and I don't need no blankets then. The MBNAD woman brought a spare Little Dark One home last weekend. We were having a Here weekend and she was tidying and stuff like she usually does and the Little Dark One was out. But when she came back, there was another Girlie with her. They said that this Girlie came from the other side of the world where everyone is Upside Down. She looked the normal way up to me. They don't half talk some rubbish. Chatted the Upside Down Girlie up a bit. Tried the blarney. Said I had sad eyes. Heh heh

She's done some stuff for the Woo Hoo Christmas which includes a wall-string-tree and a ring of twigs stuck to the front door. Have no idea why she's stuck kindling on the front door. The wall-string-tree ain't like the one There which has just got little lights all over it. When she ties the wall-string-tree to the wall, it all lights up and changes colour. Very dubious taste.

I had a strange indoor dog moment the other morning. For sleeping arrangements, I have a rug on her floor by the bed. It's convenient for her to hang over the side of the bed and stroke my ears first thing in the morning. Well, ear stroking was so nice and then she stroked under my chin and the next thing I knew, I had stretched out on my back for a belly stroke. That's right, I let her put her paw on my chest. It's not as if I haven't known that she's the Boss in this house all along but I'm just not used to submitting to anyone. In later days on the farm, I was forced to submit when the young dogs bullied me. And I didn't like it one little bit. But you know, this was really rather nice. She just laid her hand very gently on my chest and stroked. And I lay there, feeling really loved and very safe.

Oliver Postgate 1925-2008

2008-12-09T09:59:00.002Z

The man who, with Peter Firmin, created Bagpuss, Noggin the Nog, Pogles Wood, Pingwings and the Clangers

and made so many children happy, especially one little girl with chicken pox in 1959.

Hiraeth - a problem of Here and There

2008-12-08T14:06:00.007Z

So we've been There two weekends in a row mainly sorting out the Peeing and Washing [with Peeing] Rooms. Cold, bright, crisp weather and when we haven't been decorating, we've been out walking looking at Views. It's the Views that make her sad when we have leave There.

I don't mind going back from There to Here but I know she really wants to be There all the time, especially now we're getting ready for a Woo Hoo Christmas.

Craft Market on Saturday. She can't resist it - comes back with bits of recycled glass and all sorts. Eddie Stickmaker was there with his Litter and his Woman. She stayed chatting for ages and I could see that she was tempted by the sticks.

Now we have a tree in the house covered in lights and baubles. Although it is clearly quite mad, I know what to expect now.

All ready to Woo Hoo.

But when we got back the Little One had come back from the Fens and we had cheese in the Jam Room and I did some hugging.

"Night night Mossie, night night Humbug, night night, Little One."

Don't apologise. Don't explain

2008-11-24T09:03:00.009Z

So once she stopped wearing those nasty leg-wrappers, she started painting. The Jam Room (even though it's mainly glass), The Peeing Room and the Washing [with Peeing] Room.

Every weekend, even when we're Here or There. Painting. Our only respite has been for walks and one evening out. When she comes home from work, if she's going out she normally goes and has one of those all-over-like-it's-pissing-on-you washes and then gets into going-out clothes. Normally when that happens, I go to the kitchen and put on a grumpy look. So, this is what I expected. Down the stairs she comes all tarted up. Right. Humph. I'll go and humph in my bed. But none of that. Out we went to the house where one of the Men-of-Sweyn's-Eye lives with his Woman. And when we got there the other Man-of-Sweyn's-Eye and his Woman were there too. Then the bitches went out leaving us boys there for the evening.

When they came back we were all asleep, a few beers having been taken.

The bitches all sat around on the floor and made a fuss of me. Grand. And then I realised that they had been drinking too. When I thought it was time to go home, we went upstairs and stayed the night in one of their Litter's rooms and didn't go home till breakfast time. Shocking.

Since it's been just about a year since I came to live with my MBNAD woman, we had to go back to the Vet place for my annual check. Got on the scales and found that my winter coat is keeping me warm but not too heavy. Then a Sharp Prick. Yes, I thought that the Vet was one. Then my teeth, ears, heart and gonads. Do they really have to do that? Sniffing my bum would be quite an acceptable way of being sociable but I draw the line at being groped.

The Vet also gazed deeply into my eyes. Didn't much fancy him, after what he just did at the other end. They have a little chat about my tendency to walk into things. Especially when the light isn't so good. Seems to me that posts just get in the way. My MBNAD woman don't see too good either. Sometimes she wears eye glasses but other times she don't seem to need them. She goes into one of the Washing Rooms and gets a little pot which she digs around in. Then she pokes at her eyes, blinks and then she don't need the eye glasses. Don't much fancy that, either.

They said I've got waterfalls in my eyes? That can't be right.

Gunpowder, treason and plot

2008-11-09T07:41:00.003Z

So there was a great deal of fuss and bother and making of beds and cooking. I know the signs now. Visitors. But visitors don't usually stay Here. Unless it's the Litter. Yes, yes. It's the Tall One. Oh Glory.

It's so wonderful that he came to stay that the whole of the night sky was lit up. Grand.

"Night, night, Mossie"

Yes, well I should have known there was an agenda. The morning after the Tall One arrived, she didn't go off to work, which I thought was a bit suspicious. Daft tart. Legs. She went and did it again. All bandaged up. Both legs this time. Not together, you understand. Separately, so at least she can do that funny stumpy legged walk. But all she can do now is lie down and moan. Serves her right. She said she wouldn't do it again. But apparently the Venous Vet said it had to be done because it wasn't finished. Curse of the Mummy.

Mind, it's nice having the Tall One here. Walks and ball throwing. Grand. And we met my DB with lots of my mates from dog walking. Darcy, the blonde [Blonde]retriever, Whisper, the merle wobble, Jess, the loopy black girl and the Poodlies. The Tall One does lots of helping too.

And then we made cakes. The MBNAD woman likes cooking but she don't usually do it on an industrial scale. But all yesterday, she kept doing little things in the kitchen and then going back to lie down again. When we got back in from our last thing at night walk, the house smelt all warm and spicy. I remembered this from last year. I know what they were about.

They're Woo Hoo Christmas Cakes.

Metamorphosis

2008-11-04T14:43:00.006Z

A Here weekend and we have to tidy up the garden. When the men came to build the Jam Room, they made a bit of a Mess in the garden as well as the house. Apparently, they were called the Taliban. So she worked really hard and I supervised.

When the rain started, I thought that we could sit by the fire and get comfortable. But, no. Can't resist it can she? More darned junk. She brings in this old table that looks like it would make good firewood and parks it in the Jam Room. Then she spent hours rubbing it to get rid of the top of the wood. That's right, she scraped the top of the wood off till there were no more marks and dents. When she did the legs, she found some little Princess teethmarks. She sat on the floor and had wet nose and eyes for a bit and I hugged her. Never thought that chewing furniture would have that effect but like I said from the outset: Mad

After she'd scraped it clean she got a pot of something strong smelling and rubbed it all over the junk table. Then she did it again and again. Wouldn't let me go in the Jam Room while she was doing it. As if.

Anyway by the time I was allowed in the Jam Room, the junk table had been magicked into a proper table. Supernatural, My Witch

Paper

2008-10-25T20:34:00.006+01:00

A whole year. Me and her. My MBNAD woman has been mine for a whole year. I know she misses the Princess still and sometimes it makes her have the wet nose and eyes problem. She tells me that she wouldn't swap me for the world. I used to worry that she'd swap me for the Princess but I know now that she wouldn't; she'd love us both.

So for Our Anniversary, we're There for the weekend. Grand. A year back I didn't know anything about Here and There, or the Throw-Money-at-it-Bridge or Wales-Powys-Home. I used to be scared of the dogs in the farm up the hill and I didn't like to go through gates just in case I was going to be shut in. It's so nice being with her and nothing scares me if I'm with her.

So when she came back from whatever it is that she does that she calls work, I knew straight away that we were off There since the Red-Going-There bag came down stairs and we were off.

"Wales, Powys, Mossie. Home"

We arrived at bedtime but first we always go for a walk around the There Village. We stood on the hill and watched the stars for a bit. Then bed. I even have a bed all of my own Here and There. I never even had a bed anywhere before.

So waking up this morning was lovely. Next to the radiator and being smiled at by my MBNAD woman. An early morning walk and breakfast. What more could a Wobble want?

Well, for a start no more building work. What I hadn't realised last night was that there was building work There as well as Here. For Dog's sake, WHY? It's the Washing Room. Now it's been turned into a Washing Room (with Peeing) and a separate Peeing Room. Completely bonkers. Seems to me that she does far too much of that washing thing and as far peeing, what's wrong with a tree? Alright, so she's a Bitch ( my Bitch), so maybe trees aren't quite right but why not just a quick squat-and-puddle? Then we wouldn't have to have builders for Jam Rooms, Washing Rooms and Peeing Rooms. And no more Mess. But I spose that I forgive her.

Love, all alike, no season knows, nor clime,
Nor hours, days, months, which are the rags of time.

Infidelity

2008-10-21T13:29:00.005+01:00

When things began to get really bad with the Jam Room, my DB took me out with her all day. That was really grand since I get to sit in her van which smells nice and dog. She thinks that I'm too old too get into the back of the van. Heh heh . But every afternoon, I went back so that I was home by the time that my MBNAD woman got back. So I guessed she didn't know that I was, ahem, enjoying someone else's company. Then one day I just didn't go back. Not quite sure how it happened but I just went home with my DB. Took my bed and everything. She's got a nice silver grey cat who speaks reasonably politely (for a cat). And chickens. And a horse. And piggy gins. And a Man. And a Litter. Well, I felt I could fit in just right. Found a nice cosy spot in the Eating Room. Grand.

Well, of course, I did think about my MBNAD woman quite a bit and, I confess I did miss her. I wondered if she might show up and take me back. Praps shout a bit at the DB for stealing me away. Praps shout at me for being stolen. But the days went by and she didn't show up at all. Then I began to wonder if she didn't know where I was or, even worse, wasn't missing me at all.

Then one evening, after I'd eaten my supper and settled down for a post-prandial snooze, she suddenly appeared. Oh, Dog. I thought we were in for trouble. I expected to get dragged out by my collar. I remember the Princess telling me that my MBNAD woman always said that even if she might be poor she wasn't common. But to be honest, I expected some common words at the very least.

Not a bit of it. There they were, chatting away happily. "Yes, of course, he's been a good boy. Did you have a nice time?". Big hugs from my MBNAD woman. She smelt funny too, warm and spice scented.

Then it dawned on me. I wasn't the one who'd been unfaithful it was HER! Bitch!

So we went home and she sat on the floor and hugged me for ages. Till I forgave her. Well, I'd forgiven her as soon as I realised she was back. But I let her hug me for a good long time.

And the men with the Mess have finished making the Jam Room.

All's well that ends well

The Year Turned

2008-10-06T22:24:00.005+01:00

She came home early in a strange car. Big car with lots of stretching out space. Grand, thought. Well, turns out the stretching out space weren't for me. It was for furniture. Table and chairs in the stretching out space and me squashed into a corner. Well, alright, not exactly squashed but not as much space as I might have wanted. Then we collected The Cat, put her in the suitcase and off we went.

"Wales, Powys, Mossie. Home"

A whole weekend of being glared at by The Cat. Ah, well. If it's the price of making her happy, I can live with it. This last month, a whole year has turned since the Princess was here. I know that my MBNAD woman was sad when she remembered the last days with HRH so I tried my best to give her lots of ear stroking opportunities. How special to have been loved so well, so long. I've only been with her for a little bit of my life but I know how nice this love thing is.

So back to the weekend. No sooner had we settled in than we had Visitors. Smarten up, Humbug, time to be socialble, I warned. Bah. It's them people who come with Bolshie. I ain't being sociable. She got in the sideboard and got herself ready for a bit of hissing and spitting.

No Bolshie. His people with bags and stuff. Grand, I thought. I like being with them and visitors is always good. Then just as I was deciding who would get the head-on-leg-treatment, the Sire and Dam legged it. Yes. Ran away, leaving their Litter behind. I wondered if the Litter was being re-homed with us, but it seems just for the weekend.

We did lots of my MBNAD woman's favourite things like Brecon, and the place with the View and Outdoor Food, and Llancaiach Fawr and the Red Kite.

Then it was time for them to go and then time for us to turn Here to There again.

Except Here is being turned upside down. Mess. She don't like Mess and to be honest, I'm not keen on this quantity of Mess either. Out in the back garden, digging. Men. Digging holes, Building walls. It will all be wonderful when it's over, she says. All I can say is, it better had be. They're building a spare room out there. Dunno why. We got plenty of space for me and her. It's a Conservatory, apparently. I thought that we had enough jam on the top of the kitchen cupboards. But now it turns out she needs a whole room for the stuff. And I have to supervise. It's hard work for an old wobble.

Then the Little Dark One was off. Missee Lee, all over again. It's all empty and sad without our Litter. We don't need no spare rooms. She says it'll be nice when we have visitors. I don't want Visitors. We can have Visitors There. I want the Litter. And no Jam Rooms. Humph .

They do things differently

2008-10-01T15:49:00.002+01:00

Lookin after sheep weren't like that when I did it. Didn't have no quad bikes to herd in my day.

I sat in the back of the car giving a bit of advice. Quiet like.

The Elephant in the Garden

2008-09-18T14:35:00.003+01:00

“Wales, Powys, Mossie. Home”

A There Weekend with a visit from the Lady who’s Family. Off we go in the car to Brecon and the Farmer’s Market where they buy bits of broken old glass. Apparently, it’s called re-cycling. More like rubbish to my way of thinking. It’s not as if she don’t know what a bin is for. After all, she spends enough time tidying up and cleaning.

Then we’re off to the Mountain Centre where they have a grand café. We sit outside in the sunshine while they eat. Great place for making new friends and they usually offer me a little something. “Is it ok for him to have …” they normally ask my MBNAD woman. Why don’t they just ask me? I’d let them know pretty quick. So I demolished a couple of spuds with gravy, a bit of scone and a jelly baby. Never had a jelly baby before. Made my teeth bounce a bit. On reflection, think I’d rather have the spuds or scone.

Then we went to a big house where they sell even more vegetables and fruit. Organic. Dunno how you get inorganic fruit and vegetables, meself. Perhaps it has something to do with elephants in the garden.

After lots of gardening , it’s time to return to Here and I have a week of visiting. She’s off with a suitcase, not the little red Going-There-Bag. Humph . But I did get to visit the Man-with-the-Cat and The Cat with the Little Dark One.

I like weekends with my MBNAD woman. When I used to look after sheep, all days looked much the same to me. But she only does Witchy Work from Monday to Friday and then we have a thing called The Weekend which is really just a fancy way of saying Saturday and Sunday. Mind, sometimes she does witchy stuff on the weekend too. That must be pro bonio which translated means for free dog biscuits which seems fair and reasonable to me. She does some tidying stuff admittedly, but mainly it’s about us being together. Here or There or Visiting. Don’t matter, where. Just being together and sometimes being with friends or the Best Thing: being with the Litter.

So Sunday we went Visiting to the Middle of the World to see the Tall One. Pub lunch, canal walk and back to his house for tea. Grand.

More Visiting this week: the Hello-Mister-Woman’s house. With an Oscar dog, rabbits and four kittens and the Hello-Mister-Woman’s girlie. Four kittens. All thought the Mossie tail was a great toy. Ah, well. I didn’t mind really.

Keeping her feet warm

2008-09-03T11:26:00.002+01:00

She weren't well. Bit cold. My only explanation.

And I didn't snore. Much.

Quarter Century

2008-08-30T07:16:00.007+01:00

Little Dark One, me, The Cat [in a suitcase] and MBNAD woman all off There. One of those Fridays. Grand I thought, although The Cat had Views all the way from the Meat-and-Bread stop. Car was packed up to the lid with lots of stuff but no matter. I like being There and my MBNAD woman is really happy when we're There.

"Wales, Mossie. Powys, Home"

Late on, but we dont mind.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Humbug".

A big treat. The Tall One. All of them together, where I can herd them. Grand.

Turns out the Tall One is having a birthday.

Twenty-Five.

Old.

The Man with the Cat came too for the birthday.

Then they went out for food. Humph Can't see why - there's a whole cupboard full of food. Shouted a bit. Cat told me to shut up.

Humph

They had a special cake for the Tall One. She's good at cake so I always sit and wait expectantly just in case something falls off a plate. Funny thing about people - if food falls off a plate onto the floor, they don't want to eat it even if it's only a little bit gritty. As long as she tells me it's ok to have it, then I don't hang around. Anyway, this special cake ... just when I think she's not really Mad or not a real Witch, she does something very peculiar and I have to revise my opinions.

So they set fire to the cake and said incantations before eating it. What more evidence is needed? A Witch, without doubt. She'll get caught one of these days.

We didn't leave There on Sunday night. Turns out we could stay all week. And the Little Dark One, and the Tall One and The Cat.

They spent a lot of the week trying to stick a broken picture back together. Don't know why they had to buy a broken one.

We met Brucie's people and they went to a park. Then they came back for tea and had more of the Tall One's special cake. The Cat said some very bad words to Brucie. Brucie's woman said that she'd never heard a cat growl before. That ain't growling, that's swearing. Really bad swearing. Father Jack swearing.

Thank Dog, I couldn't fit. But my MBNAD woman could.

Lots of walks with boots and scenery. At the end of the last one, I was so tired that my MBNAD woman had to fetch the car while I waited with the Tall One. He had to carry me to the place where we waited for her. I could have walked but he wanted to be useful.

Time to turn There to Here again.

And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;

Pontyfest - Music, Friends, Girlies, Snot and Lies

2008-08-17T09:28:00.011+01:00

A There weekend. Off we go at the end of the week, car all packed up ready to go and we went all the way before the light had gone.

"Wales, Mossie, Powys. Home."

Once we'd unpacked, she went off to The Lion. This is not on, she shouldn't be going to pubs without me so I had to have a bit of a shout. By the time she'd got back I was a bit cross so I didn't notice straightway that she wasn't on her own. The Hello-Mister-Woman and her Man. I didn't think she lived in a pub since she was Here when my MBNAD woman had various vines and sad stuff. They're really good at ears since they practise on an Oscar.

They sat up chatting till late then the Hello-Mister-Woman and her Man unpacked their car and went to bed. Can't work out why they're Visitors if they live at the Lion but it's nice anyway since I get a lot of fuss and they're nice Visitors.

"Night night Mossie."

Brecon, Market. She bought some fish and some green slimy stuff which she's going to give to our Visitors for breakfast. Don't seem very kind to me. Visitors is nice. It's bad enough when she cooks sick for breakfast but it don't seem right to give them fried snot.

Pontyfest. Rain, rain, rain. Loud music and dancing and beer and lots of dogs, especially wobbles. Wasn't much struck on the idea of being a soggy wobble but we went into a big bright tent to stay dry. Don't know much about the music but I did like the people. And the grub. I got left over beef casserole, faggots, burger and a bit of sausage. My MBNAD woman said I wouldn't need my dinner after all that lot. Don't you believe it. Plenty of space.

She kept finding people to say hello to. First of all there was one of the Men of Sweyn's Eye and then the Woman-Who-Likes-Cats-Really. Turns out they're staying at Pontyfest in a tent. Now my MBNAD woman likes outdoor food but I've never seen her do outdoor sleeping. Well, maybe a little bit in the garden but we've never been out there all night. She don't half have some strange friends. I just hope she don't get the idea of outdoor sleeping. Now I've got the hang of being an indoor dog, I really don't want to give up my bed

Then there was a Woman of Sweyn's Eye and her Man and Girlie. Nice people. Plenty of fuss. Grand.

Next two Girlies belonging to the Man of Sweyn's Eye and the Woman-Who-Likes-Cats-Really. Cor. Spent a bit of time chatting them up.

Music was alright too I spose.

Had a bit of a problem with a basket.

Please don't laugh too much.

"Night night Mossie."

Sunshine and walking at one of my MBNAD woman's favourite places where she can look at a View. The Visitors liked the View too and didn't seem to hold fried snot breakfast against her. She told them that the snot comes out when Pen-y-Fan erupts. Dreadful. The snot is bad enough but lying about it is even worse.

Catflap cottage and food then the Visitors left. Seemed like a lot of fuss putting things in the car when they were only going as far as the Lion. Turns out I was wrong. They live near Here after all. I felt a right wobble. I wish I had the Princess around to help me out with that kind of thing.

When we have to leave There to come back Here, she always tidies up and makes sure everything is ready for coming back but this time she went off to the place with dead people in the garden. Not for the normal thing but for Music. Not on, I shout after her. I do Music. If I did Pontyfest, can't see why I can't do this Music. Bah

Then she came back at bedtime and off we went and when I woke up we were back Here. Midnight. Witchy

"Night night Mossie."

For Brucie's Woman

2008-08-14T11:38:00.001+01:00

Flying Saucers

2008-08-11T16:11:00.003+01:00

Since the blackberries have been appearing, my MBNAD woman has started taking a small plastic pot out when we go for a walk. Between the lead, spare poo bags, a ball for fetch games and now the plastic pot, she’s loaded down. Then she appears with a plastic dinner plate as well which I reckoned was for more blackberries.

So off we go for our walk and when we get to the field where we play the fetch the ball game, she threw the dinner plate. I stood and looked at her, encouraging like, waiting for her to work out that she had thrown a dinner plate. It pains me to say this, but my early verdict that she’s MAD hasn’t changed.

She smiled at me and said “Go on, Mossie, go and fetch it”. I stood there patiently hoping that she would work out that it was a dinner plate. Nothing. So she trotted across the field and picked it up. At last, I thought, she’s got the idea and has realised that she’s thrown the wrong thing. Not a bit of it. Smiled at me again and then threw the plate again. Good Dog, I thought, she’s lost it totally. Once we've got through the dinner service we’ll be out here chucking saucepans and casserole dishes.

Off we go again. Same performance – she ran off to the plate, smiled and pointed. Yes, it’s a dinner plate, I nod encouragingly. How long is this nonsense going to go on? The only thing I could think of was to humour her. So I picked it up in the hope that she’d give it a rest.

Not as easy as you might think, picking up dinner plates. Tried getting my nose under it but the best thing was flicking it with my paw and then catching it in my teeth. She was so pleased at my crockery catching so we did it again. And again. And again.

Then I bit a hole in it but she weren’t cross. Evidently, this dinner plate is just for me.

Like I said mad.

Doodles, Devon and Dinkydots

2008-08-07T16:43:00.010+01:00

She’s got this bright red bag that we take away when we go There. I know to watch out for the signs of putting stuff in the bag. Friday morning we went out for my Just-Before-She-Abandons-Me walk but we weren’t in the usual hurry. She dawdled and took a plastic box out. While I found dock leaves and thistles to pee on, she started poking at some sharp twigs with some black berries, picking the best ones to put in the plastic box. Evidently best meant they didn’t have no passengers. I’d have thought the passengers were the best bit. Anyway, it was a pleasant surprise when she didn’t go to Work and was messing about with the bag and putting lots of stuff in her shopping basket too. Jam, biscuits, bottles, sausages. Hmmm sausages. I thought.

When we go There or Cambridge or The Middle of the World, I get myself settled down on the back seat for a good sleep since long drives are very tiring. She was getting out of the car when I woke up,and saying she wouldn’t be long so I expected this to be the Meat-and-Bread stop. She came back with lots of warm, nutty smelling bread and some other things that I couldn’t quite place. Meat wrapped up in pastry. I had rather hoped to investigate them properly but she put them in the back bit of the car where I can’t reach.

Expecting it to be the Throw-Money-at-it-Bridge next, I was a bit shocked to find that we had parked outside a Strange House. Well, strange to me. C’mon, Mossie, out you get and be sociable. So I got out expecting to be on Best Boy Behaviour when this young fluffy effort shot past, did a handbrake turn and came back all breathless. Hello darling, she said, I’m Twiglet. Have you come to see my new baby brothers and sisters? Then she nudged me and asked if I wanted to play. While I was trying to work out what sort of a dog she was, a wobble showed up. Nice chap, bit serious. Afternoon, I’m Jack. Belong here, now. Tess, the old lady, huffed up gave me a long hard stare and asked what had happened to the Princess. When I mentioned that she’d Gone, Tess turned away and puffed a bit more. Happens to us all, eventually, she said. Then she sneezed and we all jumped back to avoid being covered in snot. While I was trying to work out if I had any quick post-snot grooming to do, a Very Gracious Lady came up behind me and told me she was so pleased to welcome me to her home and how I should make myself comfortable and, when ready, could come in to see the Babies as long as I didn’t get too near. That’s my Mama said Twiglet. Isn’t she beautiful? Scrumpy. Cor. She is too. I wondered where the Sire was but evidently he don’t live there. Time was … but all I can do is remember now. And dream.

So after I’d been polite and peed on a bit of the garden, I went in and saw the Babies. Eight. No wonder Scrumpy gets extra meals.

Goodbye Twelve-Dog-House, hello Devon. Red-and-Gold Woman and Tall Man’s house by the river. Cat with a bit of an accent and a deal of language. I try explaining that 1) I like cats since I’m a farm dog and 2) I’ve been cussed at by a professional. Don’t make no difference. MBNAD woman brings in my blanket and I sit down in the kitchen all homely.

One of Scrumpy's babies is going to live with Red-and-Gold Woman and Tall Man so I'm just introducing the Cat to some canine ways. Don't seem keen.

Just before dinner, we go out for a walk. I remember the Princess telling me that they used to say that when she died she’d go to Devon. Looked pretty Devonly to me. She also told me that I had to go to visit Wilf. Out the gate, turn right and keep on till you get to the Basket Factory. Off we went, and at the top of the driveway was a slightly wuffity spaniel, Wilf. Gave him the news about HRH and then we had a short commiseration about castration. He’s just been done and keeps hoping they’ll grow back. I explain to him that bollocks ain’t like toenails.

Back to the Red-and-Gold Woman and Tall Man’s house. After dinner I thought we might go Here or There. But apparently, we’re Visitors. There’s another Lady staying too who makes a fuss of me. I like being a Visitor. Fuss, new places to own and a cat dinner to steal. Grand. Just grand.

In the morning we went to the next village to collect a Girlie. It’s a Girlie that belongs with Red-and-Gold Woman and Tall Man. I gave her a nice bit of blarney and in return she gave me lots of hugs. More people, related to Red-and-Gold Woman. They had crisps. Not bad this Visiting.

Time to go back to Here. Long drive, rain. But when we got back, the Little Dark One was there, waiting for us. Lovely, I thought, she’s come with a case, so she’ll be with me all week.

Lies, all lies. How could she? When MBNAD woman took me out for my Just-Before-She-Abandons-Me walk, I thought, great, I’ll have the Little Dark One here all day. Not a bit of it. How could she? They went to Work together. I’m not happy. Bitch., I grump.

Yes, alright, I do get to walk with both of them in the evening, and MBNAD woman takes me out first thing and my DB is back. On the upside, they come home together and we go out walking in the evening. Me and the Little One and my MBNAD woman.
But, still. Bitch.

My MBNAD woman really likes outside food. As we sat and watched the light go, two little shadows appeared in the garden.

Little dinkydots from next door. Under the fence. Hello Mossie. Hello Dinkydots.

World Enough and Time

2008-07-29T14:57:00.008+01:00

Tall One came back for a couple of days and they went to see Flying Machines. I’m not sure I like the idea of Flying Machines. Sounds too witchy for me. One of these days they’ll catch her and then she’ll be in trouble. But I had a great day. Spent all day with the Little Dark One. She takes me out to play with a special toy that’s halfway between a ragger and a ball and throws it over and over again. They say that I get over-excited with “bonkers eyes”. True, when the game’s over, I’m ready for a couple of hours rest. Not exactly asleep. Just checking for light leaks.

She don’t half do a nice line in Woo Hoo skirts. When I first came she used to do Dog-Walkers and Sensible-Work. Since her legs have mended she’s been bringing out a collection of Woo Hoo skirts to go with the Legs and Shoes. Though I’d rather she wore Dog-Walkers, I’m happy if she wears the other stuff as long as I get to go with her.

My DB’s gone on holidays so I get to spend every day with the Little Dark One at the moment. She’s doing a lot of tidying which means that she puts lots of papers in heaps and The Cat rests in the middle of them. I supervise.

Then it’s another weekend and off we go. Car full of stuff with the Little Dark One, me and our MBNAD woman. Usual stuff : stopping halfway, meat and bread, then Throw-Money-at-it-Bridge.

“Wales, Powys, Mossie. Home”

Don’t matter how late it is when we get there, she always takes me for a walk round the village. I like that since I’m a bit stiff after the long drive and I get chance to own everything as we go. When we went down the hill towards the Tanners, there were people all over the road. Having a party. The Lady who owns the Tanners is retiring. Don’t think that anyone’s bitten her nose but I think that she must get very tired. I hope that I’ll be allowed in when new people come there.

In the morning, there’s a loud buzzing and clattering outside so we go out to look at it. Well, I can tell you that it wasn’t an insect or a red kite. It was one of them Flying Machine things. Perhaps it followed her and hunted her down. I wondered if she’d do some magic but she just watched. Looked dangerous to me.

Long sunshiny days. Lots of gardening for my MBNAD woman and the Little Dark One does cooking. Grand. I can sit in the sun and bake a bit, then go inside to keep the Little Dark One company when she’s cooking. You never know when something might hit the floor. Out in the sunshine, they put some creamy stuff on my nose and bald bum. To stop me burning. Metrosexual Mossie, they say. Not sure I like the sound of that, so I try licking it off as soon as they look away.

Meeouw. Little tiny creature with only one eye. Small cat. I stand up to show it who’s in charge but it don’t take notice of me. I don't see too good these days but at least I've still got both my peepers, even if I've lost some other bits that seemed pretty important to me.

It climbs onto the top of the coal bunker where it stretches out, wriggles a bit and slides down.

Cat on a hot tin roof.

They sit in the sunshine debating whether not to turn There to Here again. One of these days she'll make the sun stand still.

"Night night Mossie".

Edible Mossie

2008-07-17T16:51:00.001+01:00

So I tried to remember all the Wise Things that the Princess taught me:

1) You’re never to old to frolic
2) Frosty days are good for wriggling in the garden
3) Flowerpot water is best
4) No matter how much they hiss, cats really do want to be friends
5) Always claim innocence, regardless of evidence
6) They can't leave you behind if you're sitting in the suitcase
7) A good nap is one of life’s undervalued pleasures
8) Always be willing to wait for a friend
9) You can go a long way with a smile
10) Always check if fishermen have biscuits. Settle for maggots if they don't
11) Postmen expect to be woofed at. Don't let them down.
12) A bed is more comfortable once it’s been thoroughly kicked
13) Being clean just creates an opportunity to get mucky again
14) However, dark the world may seem, bad times will end, even bath time
15) Kitten food is for everyone
16) Never turn your back on a bicycle
17) Be at home, wherever you find yourself
18) Remember, she loves us, always

But she didn’t offer any advice on grass seeds. They don’t half make you itch and these were itchy sharp. So I did the best I could and chewed a bit of my hair to get them away from the skin. Then once I’d done that, I pulled that bit of hair out. Then the bit next to it. No advice on when you’ve got a bald bum, either.

The Little Dark One is around a lot and between them they kept trying to stop me from nibbling. But the relief was exquisite. So the MBNAD woman started to wash my chewed bit with salty water.

We went to the vet’s place since the salty water had just me a bit tastier. MBNAD woman said that she’s put vinegar or pepper on me next. Really. Nice Girly Vet. She did suggest that I was a bit well covered. My story about it being just my winter coat was blown since there isn’t nearly so much winter coat left. Anyway, itchy bits all sorted and so I gave the Nice Girly Vet a particularly appealing gaze and nudgy nosed her. She gave me a treat. Well actually, three treats. I needed to stock up just in case they start talking diets and I don’t get much to eat in future.

Second to the right and straight on till morning

2008-07-01T14:36:00.004+01:00

The day after the Border Collie party, they all came for a walk: Man with the Cat, Tall One, Little Dark One and MBNAD woman. And the Princess, waiting at the bottom of the stairs, on her favourite stair. Eager and ready.

MBNAD woman got a special box from a high cupboard. She's got cupboards where she keeps shoes and clothes and some high ones where she keeps hats and bags. And Princesses .... no corrects HRH, just one, Me.

They were all really quiet and we went for a walk by the pond. We got to the bridge where I first saw HRH on the day that I arrived. Standing in the middle of the bridge, she said, It's all up to you now, Colliewobble. You've got to look after them, especially our MBNAD woman. I was going to leave sooner but couldn't go when you needed me to help look after her. But now, you're brave and she's well again.

I'm not really brave, I wanted to say. And how do I know that she's properly well again? Brave enough and well enough. Both of you, comes one last Royal command.

And with a shimmer of dust in the sunlight, I see a little busy little white flash. A shade of love and joy and fun. Young again.

From the bridge to the stream.
From the stream to the river.
From the river to the sea.
From the sea to the sky.

"Night night Mossie"

Praesento Vobis Hanc Mulierem

2008-06-29T06:50:00.003+01:00

I like weekends normally. She don't go to work, makes me toast for breakfast and we have long walks with big hugs. It's even better if there are visitors or we go There.
First of all, it went quite well since we had to collect the Tall One from the place with the car on rails. He spent ages fussing over me. And me, snuffles the Princess. My ears, she said, longingly. After dinner, they chatted for ages and laughed and then my MBNAD woman said they needed to go to bed because we'd have to be up early.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

By "we" she didn't mean me. Lovely long walk, round the pond. Oh yes, very nice just before abandoning me. The Princess says there are some things that you can't even do if you're Royal. That's a first for her. She's always claimed she could do anything. To be reasonable, she said, I can't DO most things these days, but I can WATCH. Well, we both watched while the Tall One got dressed in something that looked very like work clothes. Very smart, he looked said the Princess. Then my MBNAD woman got dressed in something pretty woo hoo. All floaty and soft and Definitely-not-for-Dog-Walking shoes. This looks pretty bad. They're off somewhere and I'm not going to be allowed to come along if they're in smart gear. Humph

They went to Cambridge. It's just not fair. She don't dress up in woo hoo gear when we go there. She goes in Dog-Walkers and we meet the Little Dark One and we have walks that end with cheesy chips in pubs. I moan a bit and hang my head over the side of my bed just so they know I'm not happy.

But I went to watch, said HRH, so I can tell you what happened next. When they got there the Man with the Cat was there too. First of all they filled the cars up with the Little Dark One's stuff. Then the next bit was really strange. The Little Dark One got dressed up as a border collie. It was a fancy dress party. Oh, I did so used to like parties. There were lots of other people dressed up in collie costumes with some dressed as other dogs like poodles, and red setters with one chap dressed up like a big old bassett hound. And they stood around in the garden. all dressed up eating strawberries. Perhaps they didn't let you go because they would have confused you with all the pretend collies. Well, after the strawberry eating, all the ones in fancy dress, lined up and went off to a pretend dog show. They walked all through the streets to a special building where the dog show was held. The Man with the Cat, The Tall One and our MBNAD woman all watched. MBNAD woman got wet eyes again. Then they came back and drank more sparkly stuff. And that was it, says the Princess. Placet.

My day wasn't all bad, I spose. My DB came and we went for a ball throwing walk. Just me and her. Just like a date. Then she came back later and gave me my tea. Not all bad at all. She gave me a whole tin for dinner. MBNAD woman only does half a tin with crunchy food. Not all bad. Placet.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

Officially Very Clever

2008-06-22T05:44:00.004+01:00

Turns out that the Little Dark One is as good at Noggin the Nog, Merlin the Magician and Swearing in Old Cat as I was at Sheepdog Studies. The Tall One is also officially Very Clever at Hot Pixie, Stargazy and Surely you Must be Joking.

My MBNAD woman and the Man with the Cat drink some sparkly pink stuff and MBNAD woman gets wet eyes. But not sad wet.

Of course, we royals didn't normally go to university in my day, sniffs HRH. Think she's a bit left out so I tell her that, if they were handing out degrees in Trollopy Princess Studies, she'd get a First too.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

Legs, Lies and Pink Shoes

2008-06-21T21:15:00.009+01:00

She lied to me. Not like the Liar-Coward lied but even so I was pretty shocked. Right Leg all better. She was hopping and dancing and running. It was all wonderful. I sent bouquets to everyone. Then she went and did it all over again to the Other Leg. Off she went and came back with the leg all bandaged up and wrapped up in one of those nasty tight leg wrappers. And not the sort you put out for a Woo Hoo Christmas.

Well, the only consolation is that she ain't got any more legs.

She had to lie down a lot again and had wet nose and wet eyes. I tried really hard to look after her but I'm glad that the Tall One came to look after her again. At least we sat in the garden and had big hugs.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

The Tall One has had an operation too. Dunno what he had done but all the long long hair has gone. He don't seem to need any bandages or lying down.

They went to a special party while the Tall One was here. The Hello Mister Woman doesn't just have the Girlie, she's got a Michael too. And Michael's got a Ziggy. And they had a Michael and Ziggy Party. It's called a Wedding, says the Princess. Lovely dresses. Just like in Hello magazine, according to HRH.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

The Tall One went away to carry on looking for Hot Pixies and then Little Dark One came to look after her. She's been doing tests. Think it's a bit like sheep dog trials. She has to round up Noggin the Nogs and Merlins and write about them sometimes in Old Cat. The Royal One don't understand it either.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

Eventually, the leg got a bit better and the Little Dark One went away and we went There. She did lots of gardening in the sunshine. Quite restful this gardening stuff. When she goes to the place with dead people in the garden, I normally stand in the room with two catflaps and shout till she gets back. But, I've found that if I go upstairs to her sleeping room, I can watch for her out of the window. And shout so that she knows I'm waiting for her to come back.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

Leg wrappers all gone at last and she promises that she won't ever do it again.

Since it's now All Offically Over, she's been in the clothes-and-shoe-cupboard a lot and we've had a succession of totally outrageous shoes.

We've had a lot of Right Royal nonsense about Jimmy Chews, Man-o-lows and Lamb Boots. Evidently, once you're not quite here any more, you don't mind when she puts on footwear that I can only describe as officially Not for Dog Walking. Hmmm, says the Princess, you just don't get the point do you. You see, I keep up with these things in all the right kind of magazines. Right kind of magazine indeed. Farmer's Weekly for Trollops more like.

All I can say is, they're Not for Dog Walking.

Bouquets from Mossie

2008-06-01T09:26:00.003+01:00

Bouquets for looking after his MBNAD woman when she had the Various Vines and Fleas and while the Sewage flowed Under the Bridge

Lots of people have looked after her but these are the Ones who Deserve a Special Mention:

To the Lady who Lives Nextdoor with the Cat with No Teeth : for the Company

To Tinker Dog's Family : for the Love and Friendship of half a lifetime

To The Man with the Cat : for all the Listening Meals

To the Cat : for the Curses

To the Men of Sweyn's Eye and their Women : for the Laughter and Walking

To the Unseen Jo Lady : for Guarding her when I Can't

To the Hello Mister Woman : for the Long Night of Hugs

To the Lady from the Family : for the Love of Quilting

To the Hello Mister Woman's Girlie : for the Driving

To Bruce's Woman : for the Drowned Rat with the Opaque Eyes

To HMGD : for the Tiger who Came to Tea

To Gulfoss : for Telling her what she Already Knew

To the Cor Lummee Girlie : for the Fun and Signature Dish

To the Red-and-Gold Woman : for the Pearl and the Junk

To the Little Dark One : for the Love, Smiles, Hugs, Pignick and the Chuck Fest

To the Tall One : for the Love, Smiles, Hugs, Cooking and the Slow Burn Incendiary Blanket

To the Princess : for Staying

Birdwatching

2008-05-31T21:45:00.016+01:00

Cor-Lummee-Girlie and Red-and-Gold Woman gone away. But not before Red-and-Gold Woman spotted the Electric Eagle Owl.

Took them to the car-on-rails stopping place. Mind you they took the peeing down rain away with them too. So she's been busy with turning junk into furniture. Dunno why she didn't just buy furniture in the first place. HRH makes a sharp remark about MBNAD woman and her need to collect junk but I remind her to keep her opinons to herself. Anyway, this turns out to be nice dependable junk.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella"

Went off for treatment too. But no fleas or leg holes. The other sort of treatment. The sort where she came back with sparkly, tarty toes.

We went to Cultural Mud too. I wasn't supposed to go but I legged it out of the door and sat by the car so she gave in. Mind, I only went to the Mud bit. Not allowed in to the Culture. Didn't mind really since I can sleep in the car and she can have Culture if she likes.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella"
Family lady came to visit and we spent the day at the market, seeing the kite and visiting the junk shop. Again.

Then it's gardening. Quite hard work this gardening stuff.

Small, baby in the garden. Fluffy and not even slightly electric. Guarded by a dozy Mossie.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella"

The Cor Lummee Girlie with the Woo Hoo dress

2008-05-28T13:46:00.010+01:00

I knew that we would be going there since she had got lots of bags sorted. But I wasn't prepared for a new girlie. When she gets back in the evening, I hear the house making beeping noises and start to get myself out of bed so that I can give her a hug as soon as she opens the door. But, it wasn't just my MBNAD woman. There was another one. Young. Cor lummee. Forgot all about MBNAD woman and showed this new one what a gorgeous old Irish rogue I am. Cor lummee, indeed.

Then bundled into the car and off. With this new girlie. Taking her There.

Just before we got to the Throw Money at it Bridge, we veered off. Have to say I was a bit suspicious at that point. But, I misjudged. We stopped at one of the car-on-rails stopping places and there was Red-and-Gold-Woman. So we all have to fit in the car. And the Cor-Lummee-Girlie has to get in the back of the car with me. She's quite small so I still had most of the back seat for myself. Just resting my head on her leg a bit. The Princess said I was a tart. I'll be any kind of pudding you like for this sort of treatment.

Then over the Throw Money at it Bridge. "Wales, Mossie, Powys, Home". And there's still a line of gold and purple light over the hill.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

Not a good morning. They go off and leave me so I am forced to shout at the house till they get back. Apparently, they've been somewhere cultural. Hell-on-Wye, says the Princess. Then we sit in the garden and have tea and cake. A small amount of biscuit lands by me. Briefly. The Cor-Lummee-Girlie asks if it's bad for me. HRH sits tongue lolling out in that laughing way she has. Only if they find out, she says. Red-and-Gold-Woman does gardening while I go off with MBNAD woman for a long walk.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

Inexcusable. They go off and buy junk. They come back with the car full of junk.

The only bit that's not junk is the Woo Hoo dress that they got for the Cor-Lummee-Girlie. Then they spend all evening deciding what shoes and necklace and earrings and bangles and bags to go with the Woo Hoo Dress.

They've got all these trollopy magazines and start talking about unmentionables. I didn't know where to put myself. Yes, you did, said the Royal Trollop, in the middle of it all. Leering.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

Off to the market to choose jewellery for all of them. They come back with bags and bags of sparkles. And a small bit of cake.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

Penblwydd Hapus ...you know who you are

2008-05-21T14:41:00.002+01:00

White Feathers

2008-05-20T15:08:00.006+01:00

Busy, busy. Yup, said her regal fluffiness. When I became incorporeal, she was very busy then too. Washed all my stuff and put it in the box under the roof. Well none of this is going in a box under the roof. Everything she's found from Liar-Coward-Man - off to the charity shops or the bins or the dump.
Now she's well enough to be really busy, she's making sure it's all gone. Even been up under the roof and found some things to throw away.

After she'd been busy clearing stuff, she went out. Only for a little while, just for some treatments, she said. I slunk off to my bed to have a rest so that I would be able to look after her when she came back. So when she came in, I expected her to be pale and tired with holes in her leg again. And with one of those tight brown wrappers on the leg. Clearly, this was a different kind of treatment. No leg wrapper, no holes, no pale. In fact, all shiny and relaxed. So why did she have to have the other sort of treatment when this makes her look so good?

We went to see Tinker Dog's people for food. Even though I'm scared of Tinker Dog, I like their house because they always give me a treat. All of Tinker Dog's people were there. Even their Litter. They had some grand food and I sat outside the eating room looking Very Thin. Got a treat to take home, so it worked.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella".

A show. Very nice place with lots of wobbles. I did my best to look very smart for her. We helped with the children. Their parents gave them money and they gave it to us. In exchange, they had to throw hoops over toys, pick little papers out of a bin or hook ducks. If they hooped or hooked or picked the right numbers, they got something to take home, like a fluffy animal. Not a Mossie, though. Sometimes, their parents had no money left at the end. There was a big bouncy thing like a huge bed and some parents just handed over money and put their litters on that. Small humans don't half squeal a lot when they're having fun. I think that they collected lots of money to make small humans safe.

Then home, and gardening, and the Man with the Cat came for food.

Tinker Dog's woman sent MBNAD woman some words on the wall-string-writing-box that made her have a wet nose and eyes. "You are worth a great deal more to those who know you than to allow yourself to be treated that way." Seconded by Mossie. Thirded by Bella.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella".

Marke but this Flea

2008-05-13T11:43:00.009+01:00

Once she got rid of the fleas, she had us being busy. People come for food. Dunno what it is about her, but friends and food go together.

First it was the Man-with-the-Cat, then there's the Hello-Mister-Woman. She always give me a hard look like she can suss me out but then fusses over me for ages, so I guess she's a mug too. She came to give MBNAD woman a big hug the other day which was good since I needed a break.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella".

I did lots of hugging too, said HRH. Yes, she did ... and I'm glad she decided to stay a bit longer before going off to be young again. MBNAD woman needs both of us at the moment.

She was much better on the weekend so we were busy out and about in the sunshine. I sit patiently everytime she puts the stop-Mossie-flying-away contraption on but it's an awful palaver.

More people, special people who usually come with Tinker Dog but since they were round for dinner Tinker Dog stayed home with their Litter. If truth be told, I'm a bit scared of Tinker Dog on account of her size. Hmmmm, says the Princess, you were scared of Bolshie and that can't be on account of size. Alright, I'm just a wobble. But I'm not a liar and I'm not a coward. Just a wobble, her wobble.

Liar-coward-man complained that I left a little damp nose patch and some hair on his trousers. If I'd known then what I know now, I'd have peed on him. One of those long, well-filled bladder pees. Not the kind of pee that marks where I've been. More the sort that reminds you where I don't want you to be. Me too, me too, exclaims the Princess. Yes, but my aim is better.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella".

Then we were off to the god-forsaken place in the Fens to see the Little Dark One. Hot weather so we sat by the river and the Little Dark One hugged her a lot. In fact we sat by a pub by the river and lots of people came to talk to me so I got well chatted up. Only cos they couldn't see me, grumbles the Princess. No-one can see you, I remind her. We just know that you're there.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella".

The Men of Sweyn's Eye and their Women

2008-05-08T15:42:00.004+01:00

So last week she was mainly home again with the Various Vines. This time it was something RUTHLESS done to them and although she was very tired, she wasn't so poorly as the last time. More friends to look after her and make her smile. "And US!" shrieks the small piece of Royalty. Yes, and US. We're always there. Even when we can't make it better, we're always there. And will always be true. And will always be brave. And will love her forever.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella".

Since the RUTHLESS treatment wasn't as bad as the EVIL stuff, she was quite perky at the end of the week and so we went There. There was so good. We said hello to the Cat with No Teeth and went out with the Lady next door. I did my very best to comfort her too. With the sun shining, we went out with the top of the car off. I know the signs now: eeeeeeeoooouw ping. And it's gone. Yes, I have to wear a silly contraption just in case I fly away, but it's quite nice letting all the scents rush past my nose. We go somewhere with lots of shops selling funny stuff. Looks like someone has chucked most of it out once. Very TQ9, says the Princess.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella".

Visitors: a big van load of them. People, bags, boxes, wine, beer, cake ... Grand. Dunno who they are but this is good. The Men are nice but I turn the Irish charm on the women and it works a treat. Woman-who-likes-Cats-really calls me Sweetie. Woman-who-really-wants-a-Dog is happy to get up and walk with me before they get breakfast. We go to the Tanners where I'm allowed and then she makes them Dead Deer Dinner. They must be special if they get Dead Deer Dinner.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella".

Time to turn There to Here again.

More Various Vines. This time it's Flea-bite-omies. Didn't know she had fleas. She don't scratch. Anyway, these fleas mean that she has to have more treatment so I guess they must have bitten her legs... All she does for me is some stuff that she puts on the back of my neck. I don't much like that but it's a lot better than her treatment.

When she comes back, her leg is all bandaged up but it starts leaking. You know, the red stuff that belongs inside. This is not good but she seems reconciled to it and says that it will ALL BE FOR THE BEST. Better if she'd never got the things in the first place if you ask me.

On the other hand, she's not allowed to drive with all this stuff going on so we have to stay home and rest. Resting is something I know a lot about. In fact, since I retired, I'm now a Grand Master.

We sit in the sun and enjoy practising resting. When we're tired of that, it's

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella".

Though lovers be lost love shall not

2008-04-29T13:39:00.004+01:00

My poor old MBNAD woman has been having a tough time. More sad stuff and Various Vines.

And me ... the secret is out about Mossie and Thunder and Lightening. Very, very frightening. MBNAD woman off to work and, just like normal, my DB comes to take me out for my middle of the day walk. We go with company, which I like even if some of them are a bit boisterous. My DB always lets me sit in the front of the van because I'm so well-mannered. Then it started. Big splishy raindrops that became hard sharp rain and then the huge roll and crack . Hiding behind my DB's leg seemed the best idea. The others didn't seem to notice. I leaned even harder on my DB's leg and she got the idea that going back to the van was the best thing. So we went home, all wet. And when we got there, my MBNAD woman was home too. Wonderful. So I had a little shake and she got an old not-very-fluffy towel and rubbed me dry. Grand. I thought that we might have an afternoon snoozing but she had other ideas and was upstairs washing (she is always getting herself clean) and then down again quickly, but not in dog-walkers. Bother.
Off she goes and a couple of hours later someone brings her back and she's broken! Leg all bandaged and wobbly. Apparently, it's to do with the Various Vines. She's had something EVIL done to them. All pink and happy when she went out and then came back broken. Pale too. I try resting my head on her in my best new man style and she smiles at me but it's a broken smile. I don't like to see her like this and can see that I'm going to have to do a lot of this new man stuff if she's going to get better.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella".

Next day she was just as broken but still takes me out for my walks and we do lots of ball throwing. The Man with the Cat comes and they talk for a long time while she rests her leg a lot but this doesn't seem to be getting better. But excellent news: the Tall One arrived to look after her. I was beginning to worry that it was all going to be down to me. I'd have got on the bed to give her a hug, announces the Princess. I was always good at that. Food comes in a van. I help unloading.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella".

More broken and pale the next day. Mainly lying down with the Tall One looking after her. He's good and makes her smile a lot. Princess fussing all the time, worrying that MBNAD woman can't feel her love. Not only can she still feel her love, she has found a small, soft, cafe-au-lait tuft of Princess hair which makes her cry.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella".

The Tall One does lots things like bed-making and cooking to look after her.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella".

Mossie's blog is about to become readable by invitation only

The Man in the Wind and the West Moon

2008-04-19T21:41:00.004+01:00

She's been away for a couple of days leaving me with the Little Dark One at the house where the Man and the Cat live. I quite like it there and he has a wonderful compost heap where I have found lots of small treats.
Last night, she collected me and was very tired and a bit grumpy. She's been somewhere called Terminal Five and she had Views on the subject. I'd expected us to be off to There since she had packed the bags and everything but we went to bed instead. But this morning, she was out of bed with lots of bounce and, while I was still yawning, she packed up the car and we were off. Whooosh!

"Wales, Mossie, Powys, Home". Whoosh. We whoooshed so fast that There had turned into Here by the time had her her bowl of morning sick.

Said hello to the Nice Lady who lives next door and the Dog with Leanings before we went out for my morning walk. And then we were busy going to the Market where we said hello to Eddie Stickmaker. She bought some plants for the garden but we sat down all afternoon because it rained. I sat on my cushions and watched her through slitted eyes just in case she thought of escaping.

This evening just as she started cooking, the Lady from next door came round. She had wet eyes and nose. Dog with Leanings. Gone. I hugged her really hard and my MBNAD woman gave her a hug too. They drank some red stuff and remembered him.

For once, the Princess didn't have some daft trollop remark. He was my friend and I'll miss him, even if he did sniff my ears. I'm not always a daft trollop, she says, I'm good at making people happy so I'll look after him. Being old got to be very hard and he'll like being young again.

Smokey - 1993 to 2008. A life well lived.

Stars at elbow and foot

2008-04-16T16:23:00.012+01:00

My poor old MBNAD woman has been having a sad time and she had this thing called flue. You couldn’t actually see the chimney but it made her wheeze an awful lot so I guess it was there. Perhaps she hawked it up when she was having one of those big cough and spit things. Anyway, the chimney’s gone.

At the same time as she was in the chimney-way, she was very, very sad and I have tried to make her better by leaning on her leg. The Princess suggested that I try one of those full-on snogs that she used to do but I don’t think I could get away with that.

We haven’t been able to be There while she had the chimney and sad stuff but I can see that she’s filling up the bag to go There so perhaps we’ll be off soon. I know that once we get there, she’ll be able to be happier.

We've had snow while she had the chimney. I like snow, chortles the Princess. Snow angels. Always made snow angels. Of course, there's a big royal tradition of snow activities. She does talk some pretentious claptrap. Used to go orrff piste. Yup well, I went off-piste and made some yellow snow.

The Little Dark One has been around a lot. Sometimes she’s with the Man with the Cat and sometimes with us. When she stays with the Man with the Cat, she comes to see me instead of my DB. Then off we go for a walk or even ball throwing and then I go to the Man with the Cat’s house where the Cat swears at me.

She's working on something called a Dizzy Station. When she’s busy with it, she sits in front of her wall-string-word-box with heaps of books and lots of cups of tea. Then she mumbles a lot of cat words, then she writes words, reads a bit and mumbles more cat words. Then the cat comes in and sits on the letter buttons on the wall-string-word-box. I lean against her leg to show I’m being supportive. Something I’ve noticed, bitches like you being “supportive”. Now I’m a new man, or at least the bits of the old man have gone, I notice this sort of thing. But not enough to get chatted up by the Dog with Leanings.

The Man with the Cat has had a very sad week. Old bloke, his Sire, Grandsire to the Litter, gone. I know, says the Princess, he’s become like me now. Yes, quite. And they were all sad when it happened to you so it’s made them all very sad. I think that they put him in a garden somewhere. The Litter were both here. The Tall One stopped looking for Hot Pixies all last week and came to stay. They kept going off to do things looking after the Man with the Cat’s Dam.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

MBNAD woman doesn’t have a Sire or a Dam but I guess she must have done once. Nope, says HRH, she was crocheted. She always said so. What a lot of right royal nonsense she talks. Small humans are made in the same way as puppies, and it ain’t got anything to do with handicrafts.

Love in the time of influenza

2008-03-27T20:01:00.007Z

It all started so well. Little Dark One arrives with the Cat in the Bag, then everyone gets stuffed into the car.

"Wales, Mossie. Powys. Home"

We let the Cat out of the Bag groan and we look settled to be in. There. Excellent.

It's very cold but we have a good excuse to cuddle up. Then we drive to the place where we collect the Tall One. This is so good. The Lady who is also Family comes for food. Can this be any better?

When they come back from the house with dead people in the garden, MBNAD woman is really cold and there's nothing I can do to warm her up. I said no good would come from going in houses with dead people in the garden but they wouldn't listen. Way before bedtime she mumbles,

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella, Night night Humbug".

Next day she takes me for my morning walk and then goes back to bed. But it's not night night time. The Litter look after her as best they can. I spend my time looking at her over the edge of the bed. The Cat meanders in to check if she's still breathing.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella, Night night Humbug".

Off to visit Bolshie Brucie's family. Bolshie's children are nice and I especially like his woman. She makes a fuss of me. Bolshie has his own Jacob, but it's called Sheepie. I had a sheepie, announces the Princess. But it wasn't brown. It was Princess coloured. Of course, it was. She washed it after I didn't need it any more and she's put it in a box under the roof. Anyway, I snuck onto Bolshie's Sheepie and made like I was asleep. Bolshie lay alongside and looked worried.

Then we took the Tall One to get the car on rails and we went back to the Cat. She accused me of losing him.

MBNAD woman is still sleeping too much.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella, Night night Humbug".

The Little Dark one has been trying to persuade me that the sick that they serve up at breakfast is really nice. It's not sick, insists the voice. It's nice.

She puts a bowl down for me to have another go. Nice sick is as good as I think it's likely to be.

Then we took the Little Dark one to the car on rails. Now it's just me and the Cat to look after her. And me, says HRH, crossly.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella, Night night Humbug".

Grand Slam

2008-03-19T16:38:00.006Z

I have had to have a word with her. Getting tarted up and going out for the evening is not on when I am here for her. Smells and face-paint and legs. She should know that evenings she should be wearing dog-walkers. Then I can lean my head against her leg and occasionally rub my nose.

However, I did have a reason to forgive her at the end of the week. Another weekend of Here except she bundled me into the car and drove to the place where the Little Dark one lives. When we got there, the Little Dark one had lots of boxes and bags. Boxes with books, bags with clothes. Everything piled up in the car and even around me. Suddenly, I’m expected to be a small dog and curl up. Then everything loaded and we were off again. With the Little Dark one, not just her stuff. Great we’ve kidnapped her. We took her to the house of the Man with the Cat and left her with her stuff.

MBNAD woman had to watch the small men in the little box again. Men in red playing fetch with men in blue. “Oh Mossie, 29-12. Woo hoo! Grand Slam” There she was bouncing around all over the place. Definitely MAD. But my MAD.

Food with Man with the Cat and the Little Dark one. I had to sit outside their eating room. “Stay, Mossie”. Humph.

On Sunday, she got the wall-string-box-brush out and did some cleaning up. I’m really brave with that now. She gets me to stand next to her and tells me that she would never chase me with it and I believe her, I really do. She never chased me announces the Princess. I did stick my nose into the dirt-sucking end and that was a bit strange. A bit like a dry stinky kiss. I didn’t kiss it back.

Then she got the stick-mop for washing the floor and I legged it. She gets me to stand next to her and tells me that she would never chase me with it and I believe her. But it still scares me. Wuss, wuss, wussity wuss, says HRH. You can play with those things. You chase it and it chases you. ‘S’easy. That’s all very well for her to say but she even played with the Water at the Edge of the World. Well, I’m not risking getting that walloped across my rear.

“Night, night Mossie. Night night Bella”

A sad day for her. The year has gone halfway round since the Princess stopped being old. A sort of half birthday. She’s done a grand job of showing me how things work in MBNAD woman’s house and how Here and There work. Even if I am still scared of some of the things like stick-brushes and stick-mops.

The time is coming when I will need to be young again says the beautiful Old White Dog.

I hope I'm not one of these again, she mutters.

I've learnt a lot about witches since I came to live with MBNAD woman but I think that it's beyond even her witching capabilities to make that kind of change. It's called metamorphosis, says the Princess. I don't care what kind of metal working it is, it isn't going to happen to me.

I won’t leave you yet, Colliwobble,. But I will need to be young again soon.

“Night, night Mossie. Night night Bella”

Triple Crown

2008-03-13T11:43:00.006Z

Here. We watched the little men in the box running around playing fetch again. It’s always the men in red but this time they were playing fetch with the men in green. I curled up on my rug and kept quiet about my background. Thank heavens the men in red got to catch the ball a lot more than the green ones, otherwise, I think that she might have been a bit grumpy.

She had a visitor who owned up to being a bit Irish too so we sat together until it was safe.

“12-16, Mossie, woo hoo 12-16”. Phew.

Now that my vocabulary is coming along, I think that it may be good idea if I start to make some Welsh noises. When I listen carefully it’s not really Cat language but she can mix it up with a bit of Cat, especially when she’s driving.

My hen wlad fy’nhadau, oufff, oufff, I murmur softly. Yes, definitely think I can get the hang of it.

Of course, I could speak lots of languages, announces the Princess, including, Bovine, that’s cow to you, Colliewobble. We royalty are expected to be able to say a few words to the common people wherever we go. Oh, really? Oh yes, she says, and I taught them a few words too, especially, the Little Dark one. She can say “Moo. Moo” wonderfully well. Quite talented in the language department. In fact, she can actually say a few words of Ovine. You should ask her to say something, although she may not get the accent quite right for you. You could practise herding her, you must miss that sort of thing, being a working dog.

Do I miss it? Let’s think. Cold days, running around after daft sheep and then evenings with snippy young collies who might bite my nose or heels. Or, a lovely warm bed in the kitchen, walks with my Divine Blonde and two walks every day with the MBNAD woman that are always followed by food. And hugs. And games of fetch. And hugs. And the Litter. And hugs.

So Princess Spaniel, what do you think? Only teasing, she says. I’m glad you’re here to look after them.

“Night night Mossie, night night Bella”

Whistle down the wind

2008-02-29T23:16:00.008Z

There, but we didn't have to wait till the end of the week to get There. Middle of the week, she arrived back from work early and started filling up the car quickly and we were gone. Lots of cars on the road and she kept speaking to them in cat. When we got to the place where she stops to buy bread and meat to eat on the way, I got myself perched in the looking-over-her shoulder-in-a-meaningfully-hungry way but no bread and meat and back on the road with no hanging about, looking at her time-checker and little talk-box. She calls someone on the talk-box and says that we're still on schedule. Conclude that we're on the run from the Law and we need to Get Over the Border before they Catch Up with Us. It's probably something to do with her being a witch.

Over the Throw Money at It Bridge. "Wales, Mossie". Perhaps there are different laws about witches in Wales and that's why we're in such a hurry. Then she stops at a pub. Not one of our favourite pubs, in fact, not one we've been to before. I get myself ready to hop out of the car on account of her not eating everything on her plate in pubs but it's "No, Mossie, I'll be back in a minute". Humph.

Red-and-Gold woman. She fetched Red-and-Gold woman out of the pub. Perhaps that's where she lives. Don't be daft, says the voice. She lives with the Tall Man who keeps chocolate biscuits by his bed. I know, I ahem, acquired, them once. They don't live in a pub. They live by a big river and have peasants in their garden. They leave biscuits on the lawn for the peasants. I acquired them too. Biscuits, that is. Not the peasants. Though they're nice with roast potatoes.

Back on the road, we've outrun the law. "Powys, Home" she says in that happy way that she does when we're There.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

She takes Red-and-Gold woman to see the big bad birds having their dinner. I stay well out of it as they take their cameras and special glasses. Bruce says that the special glasses are called buynose but I think that he may be having a laugh at the expense of my poor old scarred snout.

For tea, MBNAD woman buys a pie that she says is made by people called Kate and Sidney. She puts down the metal tray it came in for me to lick clean. Kate and Sidney are grand pie makers. My only problem is the metal tray. It slides all over the kitchen. And she laughs that witchy laugh. And Red-and-Gold woman joins in. Then the old white dog tells me that the U way to lick dishes clean is to hold them down with one paw and then you can lick the paw clean afterwards.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

A blowy day so we go to the Market where she gets meat and cheese and the outside of a sheep. I have a really good look to see where the innards have gone, but no, it's just the outside. Must have been a big fluffy one when it had innards. Apparently, it was called Jacob. Well, I'm called Mossie but just don't think about taking out my stuffing.

We go out on the hills in the rain. Not soft, warm rain, but cold, sharp rain. It's blowy and this sharp rain gets round my tail and blows me along. Red-and-Gold woman says I look like an out of control supermarket trolley.

Visitors, so she does dead deer dinner. There's the Lady who comes to visit who seems to be related to MBNAD woman and another Lady from the same litter. But she says that she comes all the way from the other side of the world. So I guess that being witches is in the family. They all make a fuss of me. Love, fuss and one of Kate and Sidney's pies. Heaven.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

When it's cold they wear hand coverings. I used to have a coat, says the Princess. In fact, I had two. One was a bit naff but the other one kept me dry. I only got them when I got old 'cos I used to get cold. But I didn't have anything to keep my paws warm. Well, when we were out walking in the sharp rain, their clothes got really wet. I got wet too, but a good shake sorted that out. By the morning, everything was dry except Red-and-Gold woman's hand coverings. So she put them in a small wall-string-box called a popty ping. When they came out they were smoking and she put them in the bin. Dunno why she had to cook them first.

Up and out to see a garden. Don't know why they have to go so far to see a garden when there's a perfectly good one out the back. Apparently, it's not a garden, it's a Garden. I wasn't allowed in on account of peeing on plants.

After the Garden, they have outside food. Outside food is called pignicking. I don't think that they stole it, but I ate up the spare evidence, just in case.

They went to cultural soup in the evening. They went with the Lady who lives next door. I stayed home and shouted.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

In the morning, they went to look at lambs, then off to the house with dead people in the garden. I stayed home and shouted.

In the car, take Red-and-Gold Woman to just over the English border where she leaves to go back to the Tall Man. Then MBNAD woman turns Here back to There again.

I was a bit tired in the evening on account of the shouting.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

Everything I know, I learnt from ...

2008-02-25T11:23:00.012Z

Every week she takes all the bed coverings off and puts clean ones on. Personally, I don’t get it. The ones she takes off are just starting to smell right and the new ones just smell of washing stuff. Another couple of weeks and they would be even nicer. As she takes the old ones off, she throws them on the floor and I give them a good sniff.

Go on, they are just lovely, says the voice. You could curl up on there and get so comfortable. Every week, she tells me the same thing.

But I’m just not sure. This may be something that Princesses can do but might earn a Colliewobble a beating. Oh, for Heaven’s sake, sighs the Princess, she don’t do beatings. They’re not her style. She might give you a Hard Stare and Go-to-your-bed-NOW but she don’t do beatings. That’s Bad People. MBNAD – remember? Give it a try, wheedles the agent provocateur.

So I moved sideways onto the heap of bed things but just waited for a bit in case I was in trouble.

But she just laughed.
“Stop teaching him bad ways, Bella!”
That witchy laugh that means that it’s ok.

Well, it’s more than ok.
It’s grand.

Curling up on the soft cotton bed things that smell of her, warm soft witchy smell.

She can sleep on my bed if she likes.

And the Academy Award for the Best Leading Man ...

2008-02-22T11:09:00.005Z

One night a week (Thursday, it's Thursday, best day of the week, chortles the voice) she carries a bag with rubbish and boxes with old bottles and paper to the front of the drive. Early the next day, some men take the stuff away. I always used to help her take the rubbish to the bottom of the drive, I am reminded, so it's your job now. I always tried to save some, the occasional chicken carcass or piece of old cheese. She always made me put it back though, complained HRH. Now, I know about helping. I can round up sheep any day of the week. Can't see why she needs helping with this but if the Princess tells me I need to do it, then I'll help. I like being with MBNAD woman in any case.
After taking the rubbish out I went to sniff at her car just in case she wanted to go out. Just so I was positioned to get in. "No, Mossie, c'mon back in", she hollered so I trotted across to her. That's when it happened. Just outside the house there's a little drain hole and one of my paws slipped into it. I was so focused on getting back indoors, that I kept running. Well three of my legs did. Oouff. Ouch. While I was trying to work out what happened she ran back and picked me up and carried me back in. Then she checked my poorly paw, washed the red stuff away and then hugged me better. We got really comfortable sitting on the floor. Her working clothes probably need a bit of a clean now but I think that I did give her a good chance to show her caring nature. Oscar-winning performance, said the voice, couldn't have done better myself.

From the Edge of the World to the Land of the Pixies

2008-02-18T15:24:00.008Z

Off in the car for quite a long journey, but not as far as There. I know this place, yes, oh yes, squealed the voice as the MBNAD woman drove onto a narrow road, I used to own all this. We came here so many times and I used to play in the water and, on one excellent visit, she cooked sausages and I got one. It was a bit gritty and I don’t think she meant me to have it but she didn’t seem to want it back after so I got to keep it. My special place. When I got to be old (which is before I became young again), I used to come here in my dreams. This is one of the best places ever.

With that kind of build up, I was expecting something pretty spectacular but it was just odd, really odd. I have learnt a lot of stuff since moving in with MBNAD woman like wall-strings and Here-and-There and Woo Hoo Christmas but I wasn’t prepared for this. This was the Edge of the World. It’s covered in fine, grey-brown like earth but not the same. It felt gritty between my toes. But that wasn’t the worst bit – it ended in water. Not just a washing bowl of the stuff but lots of it. All the edge of the world is wet. Some other dogs were running in and out but I’ll have to pong a lot more before you get me in there. If you go into the water, you might fall off the Edge of the World.

MBNAD woman forgot to take the play ball so I kept having to borrow other people’s. We walked in the wind till it was nearly Mossie the Kite. And I don’t mean the big bad bird sort. It’s alright for people in hats and sheep coats but I was getting blown away and I didn’t want to be blown off the Edge of the World. The Old White Dog was skittering about, running in and out of the water, pausing only to drink it. Bleeuuch… It’s alright for her, she won’t be sick. Never was then, said the voice. Only fruit cake and a very large bar of chocolate. On reflection, the chocolate was still worth stealing.

Eventually, we came away from the Edge of the World and went to a pub where there was a lovely fire. The sort you can put your tail in front of till it starts to singe. And they read the papers and had dinner. I got some left over fish, potatoes and vegetables so I suppose it made going to the Edge of the World worthwhile.

“Night night Mossie, Night night Bella”.

Another car journey but still not There. A really big place, bigger even than where the Little Dark One lives. She knocks on the door of a strange house and I begin to wonder what she’s up to now. After yesterday, who can tell? It’s where the Tall One lives. Off in the car to a nice pub. One of the really great things about MBNAD woman is that she never eats all the food on her plate in pubs and I get the bits she doesn’t eat. Roast beef. Grand. I lick my tongue all the way round my face, right to the edges to show her how much I liked it.

We walked along the edge of some water. Like a river but straighter and more even with lots of funny things like cars floating on it. They’re called narrow boats, says the voice. We went sailing on a narrow boat once, me and MBNAD woman and the Litter. You can run all through the middle of the boat and watch the ducks and people.

There was a very small dog, all fluffy, young and very silly. Called Tottie. And she’ll grow up to be beautiful Tottie and all I’ll be able to do is dream. Pah.

The Tall One tells her all about what he’s working on. Pixies. Maps for Hot Pixies. And how reliable are Hot Pixies. I could tell you about leprechauns but not sure about pixies. And why are they hot? Can you have them for tea? Didn’t have hot pixies, but they did have something called crumpets.
Toasted.

Buttered

I looked very sad.

They gave in.

Delicious.

Then she hugged the Tall One and off we went. I’ll stay with him for a little bit, says the voice.

“Night night Mossie, Night night Bella”.

Hiraeth

2008-02-12T12:48:00.000Z

A There weekend. I know what to expect now but I still made sure that I sat in the driving seat in the car once she started filling it with bags and baskets. We had a short discussion, which I lost, on where I should really sit. Then on the way, stopping for bread and meat while she listens to the car music. We don’t really stop again, although we slow down just after we pass the sign that tells us we’re in Wales. When she slows down, she throws money at a box and then we’re allowed to enter Wales properly. It’s free to get out again, says the voice.

“Wales, Powys, Mossie, Home”. Well, it makes her happy.

The morning starts bright and foggy. The sort of bright and foggy that means it’s going to be a warm day. We walk round the village, look at the garden and chat to the Lady Next Door. She wants to show MBNAD woman her washing room since the builder has been recently. Off they go upstairs leaving me and The Dog with Leanings and the Cat with No Teeth downstairs. Cat made some rude remarks about us being a nice pair of boys and curled up to sleep. I stood by the front door waiting to leave. I didn’t start it but there he was poking that pointy nose in my earhole. I told him that I’m just not that sort of a boy but not quite in those words.

Off in the car to meet Eddie Stickmaker who has made her a walking stick. My stick, says the voice. A beautiful stick. A stick of wonder. Me. Immortalised in a stick. It’s all about Me. See, it’s got my sad, princess eyes. Me. A Bella stick. A Princess stick. The other worldly Super Model is prancing about, showing off.

Can you see how beautiful it is? She tells me that I could have a stick too. No thanks, not yet. But if you wanted a stick, I'll bet that Eddie would make one for you. You probably don't even have to be, you know, not quite here any more.

MBNAD woman drives to the top of the mountain and looks out at the view, stroking the top of the stick. Wet eyes and nose for a bit. I gave her a big hug and we looked at the view together. Me, her and the Old White Dog.

Then she looks at the sky and says “Yes” in a meaningful way and starts messing about with some straps and then I’m chained to the car. Am I holding the car down, or is it holding me down? I settle down for a little rest when she starts to play with the buttons at the front of the car. The last time she did that, the top came off and disappeared and she stuck a chair in next to me. I sit patiently waiting for furniture when she starts to drive off. Nose in the wind, I can smell all sorts rushing past. Good isn’t it, says the voice. ‘Spose so.

At the Farmers’ Market, she bought something for lunch called a Scotch Egg. Clearly, the Scots have different kinds of chicken to the ones I’m used to. Eggs are alright as long as you don’t eat the shells but I didn’t mind eating this shell. That maybe explains what came next.

More watching men running around chasing a ball. Same men in red but this time the others were in blue. 30-15, 30-15. “Woo hoo. Mossie.” I think that we may have an international incident in early March. Best you apply for naturalisation, says the voice. That sounds like I might lose something else but as far as I can see, there’s nothing left to go. I’ll just keep my head down.

She went off to the Tanners without me. I shouted a bit. Alright, more than a bit. When she came back it was bed time. I humphed at her so she carried my bed upstairs and I glared at her till one of us went to sleep.

“Night night Mossie. Night night Bella”

In the morning it was colder and brighter with lots of frost. After the walk, I expected her to go off to the building with dead people but we went in the car to the mountain where we walked for ages looking for the big bad birds that she likes so much. She’s not very good at seeing without glasses and she has new extra glasses to look at the big birds. Seemed very pleased with these new extra glasses. “Oh Mossie , they are wonderful”. You wouldn’t say that if they took you home for tea.

She had food looking out towards the mountains and I slept in the sunshine.

And then we went back again. But she really didn’t want to go. I wouldn’t mind staying There all the time either. As long as I can go to the Tanners. Me too, says the voice.

“Night night Mossie. Night night Bella”

Wishy washy Mossie

2008-02-07T19:48:00.000Z

MBNAD woman announced that I smelt bad. "You pong!" She used to call me a stinky poodle, said the voice. Not sure which was more insulting, being called stinky or a poodle. The Little Dark One called me stinky P. But I think that she meant it kindly. So I smelt a bit strong. A bit Boy, a bit Dog, a bit Agricultural. So what.

What was a wash. She has a washing room with a big bowl. She filled it up with water. Well I know what to do when that's going on. Down the stairs and hide in my bed, pronto. She came down the stairs and hooshed me up and when I got to the washing room, I lay as flat as I could. Didn't work. She picked me up and put me in the water. Then she rubbed some green stuff into my fur and it made bubbles. I felt like a right idiot. Then she washed off the bubbles and lifted me out and wrapped me up in a big towel. I smell like a tart's handbag.

And then yesterday she went off to work in a strange car. She was gone a long day and she came back late. My Divine Blonde came to take me for my walk and then came back in the evening. That's when MBNAD woman should be Here to take me for a walk, give me my dinner and give me big hugs. Especially now that I don't pong. Don't get me wrong. I was impressed with the DB's dinner making since she knew where to find my tea and everything. It's just that MBNAD woman needs to understand that if we're an item, I expect her to be here.

Dunno where she went. Said something about flying to Hamster Jam. There's plenty of jam in the top cupboard so I don't know what she's on about. Didn't think you made jam from hamsters anyway. And as for this flying lark. Didn't smell like she'd been drinking but when she starts talking nonsense, I have to wonder.

She came back in the strange car too and didn't smell like after a normal day at work. But she still took me for a walk, so I suppose she remembered how much I look forward to our evening walk.

She'll always come back to you, said the voice. And I'm here.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella"

Visiting

2008-02-05T21:09:00.000Z

I went visiting all on my own. To the house with the Man and the Cat. MBNAD woman packed a little box and said some nice words to me. I need to listen out for the soppy words because it usually means that she's going out. "Back soon, be a good boy, aren't you lovely". Pah. Anyway, the Man who lives with the Cat took me home and I slept at his house. The Cat wasn't pleasant. The next day she came back. I made darned sure she wasn't going to palm me off with soppy words again. Got in the car. Where she normally sits. Don't think that driving can be that difficult.
A Here weekend with lots of fuss about watching television. Men dressed in red and men dressed in white playing fetch. MBNAD woman kept shouting and cheering. 19-26, 19-26. Lots of woo hoo noises.
Not exactly a Here weekend since we went to visit the Little Dark One. She lives near a good Mossie pub where I looked sad and got chips.

I nodded off in the car and when I woke up we were back Here.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella".

In sickness ...

2008-01-29T15:47:00.000Z

MBNAD woman was ill. Don’t see it myself. Looked more like lying in bed, to me. I have only been ill once ever and that was when I lost my, ahem, bits. How could she have been ill? Bitches don’t have bits.

First thing in the morning on work days, a little wall-string-talking-box wakes her shouting “Good morning and welcome to prayer for the day”. She normally shouts something back at it in cat, hits a switch to shut it up, gets out of bed and into dog walkers and off we go. She usually says something like "Eeewuuugh, morning, Mossie". That morning she lay back and mumbled that she was praying that the day would go away. We went out for our early morning walk and she was really slow and ploddy. She’s not that old; younger than me in dog years. Always been good at counting, never used to lose a sheep ‘cos of not counting proper. Not sure about the witch to human years equation.

When we got back, I had my breakfast and settled down for my sleep waiting for her to go but she didn’t go out. Just got back into her bed and lay there. Moaning. So I stood by the side of the bed and resting my chin next to her sending her loving looks. I’d have got up there to hug her, said the voice. It’s nice up there, warm and snugly and you can make it smell wonderful and anyway, you’re so fat she wouldn’t have been able to throw you off. Fat? Me fat? It’s just my winter coat.

Ill only lasted one day but I wouldn’t have minded if it had gone on a bit.

We had a Here weekend with lots of sunshine and walks. When we went out in the car she muttered about getting a harness out of the box of old-white-dog things. Harnesses are for horses. No, this is for you, said the voice. When it’s warm, she’ll take the top of the car down and you can enjoy the wind and the sunshine. But you need a harness to make sure you don’t blow away in the wind. As if a fat old thing like you could blow away… This is so funny. She'll have to adjust the straps to go round you. I’ll have to tell The Cat. Blown away.

Very funny. I’m not fat. It’s just my winter coat.

Alright, the harness is to keep you safely in the car. She has one too and always wears it. Spose, so. Not sure I’m keen on the idea of “enjoying the wind and the sunshine”. It’s great, says the voice, I always felt just like Grace Kelly with my ears blowing in the wind. Who’s Grace Kelly? I ask. Just another princess, says the voice. I bet she didn’t have ears like that.

Betwiched, bothered and bewildered

2008-01-22T15:00:00.000Z

So it was a There weekend. I know how to spot it now. MBNAD woman fussing about with bags the evening before, then when she gets back from not-minding sheep, it’s all busy busy quick Mossie walk, puts my tea down for me and she stuffs the bags into the car and we’re gone. I used to think that she was trying to run away from me but now I know that she just puts my tea down so that we can go quickly. Even so, I make sure that I am standing by the car before she’s ready to get in. By her door. Just in case.

Halfway There, she stops to have bread and meat. If I stick my nose next to her ear, she will usually give me the endy bits. Grand. Cow but with something hot and sharp that goes up my nose and makes me sneeze. “Thank you, Mossie”, she grumbles. Top tip, says the voice, she doesn’t much like snot in her hair.

“Wales, Powys, Mossie. Home”

This is where the magic starts. There becomes Here.

“Night night Mossie, night night Bella”.

The morning brings rain. Not gentle merciful rain, you understand, but the sort that makes you really want to curl up in front of the fire. But no, off we go walking in the rain because she wants to see the river. It’s really quite like the stuff that’s falling out of the sky. Wet. And my toes ended up pink. This is so embarrassing. The mud is a dark pink and so were my paws. I made sure I stayed away from the Dog-with-Leanings.

The Woman who lives with the Dog-with-Leanings and Toothless-Cat came to dinner.
She had a birthday.

Whatever.

They drank.

Sunday morning, off she goes to the building with the dead-people garden. Leaves me behind to go off to a cold building. With dead people in the garden. I grump at her when she gets back and watch while she does another strange thing. This is something that she does a lot. She puts lots of clothes and bed covers in wall-string-whoosh-grumble-grumble-whoosh-wheee-box. After all that, she takes the stuff out and it’s wet. She could have just gone outside to enjoy the weather and got the same effect. She hangs it up to dry and then, this is really peculiar, she gets a fold up table and a wall-string-flattener. Then she flattens the clothes and bed covers. Yes, says the voice, she’s always flattened clothes. When she’s done, they’re nice and warm and good to sleep on. Hmmm, I think that may be ok for the People’s Spaniel but not the Colliewobble.

Then MBNAD woman went off with some others in the coven to the Tanners. I try hanging onto her leg but she sent me back to my bed. “I’ll be back soon, Mossie”. Liar.

When I heard them coming back, I went to the two-catflaps room to shout at her. But she didn’t come in. So I shouted a bit more and listened carefully. I could hear her talking to me but she didn’t come through the door. Then she was laughing. Witchy laughing. Behind me. The old white dog looks up from grooming her other-worldly toes and says, Front door. She came through the Front door.

Witch.

Then she turned the magic back inside out and Here became There again. And she sat on the floor and stroked my ears.

“Night night Mossie, night night Bella”.

A case for exorcism

2008-01-18T14:30:00.000Z

Visitor to dinner. They spend ages talking about whether it’s dinner, tea or supper. Don’t matter to me. It’s food. It’s either mine or it’s not. She does some weird things with some fish. Fish isn’t my favourite. I wouldn’t turn it down but I wouldn’t do what she did either. Fish skin’s nice, says the voice. She spent ages chopping and crushing and squeezing stinky things, sharp things and spicy things which she put all over the fish. But then she didn’t eat it or even cook it. She put it on a dish and wrapped it up and put it in a cupboard. This is a funny cupboard because she keeps other food in there too like milk and cheese. Peculiar thing is that things come out of there cold and they’re not cold coming out of the other food cupboards. Underneath that cupboard is another one with all the food frozen into solid lumps. There’s another one of these cupboards in Catflap Cottage and it has a wall-string because I can stick my nose round the back of it so I reckon that this must be a wall-string-cold-cupboard too.
So this bit of fish all wrapped up in its stinky-sharp-spicy sauce was left in the wall-string-cold-cupboard for a whole day and then she cooked it. What a palaver.

You wait till you get to try ice-cream, says the voice. That’s what the wall-string-freezy-cupboard is for.

In the morning she said some cat words because the house wasn’t warm. She could have just stayed in her bed and then she’d have been warm but, no, off to work. Then she got a book out and I thought, great, we’ll curl up while she reads and I snore. But this wasn’t that sort of a book. She took it upstairs and looked in a cupboard where she keeps covers for the beds and towels. More cat words. There’s a big box in there with a lot of wall-strings. It’s got flashing lights but not like the wall-string-twinkles. It seems to have something to do with warming the house up. Strikes me that isn’t natural. She pokes at it a bit and turns some handles and then says even more cat words. “Ok Mossie, we’ll have to light the fire”. The fire here is nice. It’s got strange magical coal that she never needs to refill. I spend the evening getting nearer and nearer to the magic coal. Every time I get nearer, she drags me back again. But being warm in winter is just grand. Even if I risk my tail being burnt.

“Night night Mossie, night night Bella”. Curl up warm, colliewobble. Says the voice.

And then when we wake up this morning, the wall-string-house-warmer is buzzing away and the house is warm. Possessed.

The Cat, The Witch and the Sideboard

2008-01-14T14:56:00.000Z

I have a puzzle. It’s about the Tall One. Last week was all the usual nonsense about work and stuff. She seemed to have had a bad day in the middle of the week involving the bag that she carries around. Left it somewhere and then had a great outpouring of cat words. If she just wore a collar and was microchipped like me there’d be no problem.

One evening we went to the house with the Man and the Cat to give the Cat tea because the Man wasn't there. MBNAD woman rummaged around in a cupboard and got out some ambrosian cat food. No Cat. Where is she Mossie? I could have told her - upstairs locked in a bedroom. But it must have just slipped my mind.

Anyway, once the cat word day and cat in a bedroom day were out of the way, I settled down to work out if the weekend would be a Here or There weekend. Here (although, if we’re There does There become Here?).

I’ll get to the puzzle in a minute. Saturday she did all that busy stuff involving wall-string-box-brush and chemicals and washing and beds. I like it better when the house smells a bit more, how shall I put it, DOG. Me too, said the voice. I used to put my ears to good use in that pursuit but she always did the de-stinking thing. I just stand and watch the whole thing, my eyes glazing over.

We went out for a nice walk to one of the fields where she can throw a ball for me. It was a cold crisp frost angel kind of day. Mainly the old white dog stays on her step in the house and doesn’t bother to come out but she likes frosty days. She showed me this grand trick. When we used to go out for walks, MBNAD woman used to throw the ball and I would run after it, catch it and chase it round a bit then take it back to her and drop it by her feet. Then we’d do it all over again until one of us had enough. Anyway, on Saturday, the voice said, Not like that. Let me tell you how it goes. So MBNAD woman throws the ball, I run up to it and point with my nose to show her where it is and wait for her to run across to collect it. Then we do it all over again. No need to go to the gym with all that running around. “Stop teaching him bad ways!” she shouts. Not actually bad ways, I think but maybe the sort of thing you just assume if you're a princess.

Nearly at the puzzle. So we get to my afternoon walk and I think we’re going to settle down in the warm. Not likely. “C’mon, Mossie. In the kitchen.” What? Can’t be going to work on a Saturday evening. I don’t think she does that kind of work. “I’ll have a nice treat when I get back – you wait and see”. Bah.
Curl up and sleep. Yes, I had my dinner to keep me busy for about 38 seconds, then I may have just dozed off when the door opened and in came the Tall One. “You see, I told you I had a nice treat for you”. Oh yes, oh yes.

Here’s the puzzle. Where did she go to get him? If she went to get him from the railway, then I must have been asleep longer than I thought because the railway place is nearly There. But before, she went to get him from the house with the Cat and the Man and that's nearly Here. This time she says she went to London. Not sure whether that's Here or There. So where does he go? Maybe there’s a secret passage between these places. Perhaps someone could help me out.

So yesterday, we went out for a walk with the Tall One and I showed him the new ball trick. He thought it was really funny. We went around the pond on the old white dog’s special walk. I don’t have a problem with the Pooh Sticks Bridge any more and once we were over it I really got into my stride and got a good trot going. “Mossie, Stop! Stop ! Stop!” yelled the MBNAD woman. But I was in the groove so just kept going. The Tall One started to canter after me but I was well ahead. Then she did the strangest thing. She stopped and shouted “Bella, just tell him to stop at that post!”.

Stop at the post and wait for her, said the voice. Do it NOW. Wait and you go back on the lead and then she gives you a treat and you cross the road. DON’T run into the road, because you’d be squashed and believe me, the Venision Centre don’t sell collie burgers.

So, I did what she said and the MBNAD woman and the Tall One trotted up and did the whole lead/ treat thing. But how did she know to tell the old white dog? Because I always wait on the Pooh Sticks Bridge for her, said the voice. Oh. Think that she may be a witch after all.

We went visiting to see the Cat and the Man. The Cat took one look at me and said, right you, you Collie. I was upstairs waiting for my tea the other night and you just ignored me. I’m off through that catflap and you make sure you leave it alone. I stuck my head through it and the Cat was the other side saying some words. When she came to Catflap Cottage, there’s an old cupboard in the sitting room that she climbed into. She spent quite a lot of Christmas curled up in there. When I put my nose in through the door she screamed abuse at me. On the whole she seemed to like being in there and I thought that cat-in-a-cupboard seemed like a good idea. The Man has got a cupboard very like the one in Catflap Cottage so perhaps the Cat could climb in there if the Man just left the door open a bit. Perhaps you could shut the door once she's in there and then she could cuss to her heart's delight.

“Night night Mossie, night night Bella”.

And now the Tall One’s gone. She magicked him away again.

Paradise Lost

2008-01-10T14:05:00.000Z

The last few days in this other Eden were spent curled up by her feet or snuggled on my blanket in the car. The lovely lady with soft gentle ear stroker hands spent ages on my soft silky ears. I could keep her in one place for hours. We went to see more of the countryside and even more of those bad birds. In fact they were swooping right over us, red kite and buzzards. I'm glad I'm a bit bigger than a rabbit. You're a big fat colliewobble, exclaims the voice. It would have to be the size of a light aircraft to get you off the ground. I take that a bit personal. I've always been a lithe specimen. Yes, since moving in with MBNAD woman, I may have filled out a bit but that's no reason to use the f word.

On the last day, she was horribly busy with the wall-string-box-brush. Burnham Wood was taken down and the wall-string-twinkles put away. She had wall-string-twinkles in the room with the catflaps. If a large bird masquerading as light aircraft was looking to hook a Mossie, she had it lit up like a landing strip ready.

Everything tidied, washing done in a water-box-wall-string, beds made. One last walk where the red kite fly. Goodbye to the lady with the Dog-with-Leanings and Toothless Cat.

I have a secret. While in Paradise, I learnt to smile. Just a little one every now and then. Mainly when we have had a nice walk and I've had a good tea. I lie out on my bed, stretch out and go to sleep and as I drift off, I find my mouth has turned into a little smiley thing. Stretching out to go to sleep is funny too. I used to curl up and keep my nose and legs tucked up for safety but now I know I'm safe. Even when the Cat was around. I think she mainly swears. Don't bank on that one, says the voice.

So, through Eden we took our solitarie way back to the other house. I know what it all means now. Sometimes here, sometimes there. And you're supposed to be the smartest of dogs, says the voice. Here and there don't ever matter. It's who you're with that counts.

Lots of people have come and gone but it's always MBNAD woman and Mossie. I know what this is : we're an item!

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella".

As good as it gets

2008-01-06T06:45:00.000Z

More washing and bedmaking and then off to meet someone else who's coming to stay. On the way we go to the Dead Deer and Big Bird shop. Can't wait to see what she gets this time. Big lump of dead cow! She's very inventive on the dead animal front but in my opinion it would taste just as good put in front of you without all those vegetables and herbs. I put my nose in the basket just to get a good sniff but she hauls my nose out. "Not for you Mossie". But dreaming is good. Yes it is, says the voice, but small amounts of thieving are even better. Let me tell you about the day I stole a bagel.

You just have to learn what you can get away with, she says. Legs of lamb, not good so I suspect that the lump of dead cow might be a little bit difficult, she advises. Little and often, maybe.

We go to the place to meet the big car that runs on its own tracks. Perhaps it's the Tall One. Yes, yes... no. This is another lady, small and gentle who I think may be a good bet on the stroking front.

And she is. I can get her to spend ages stroking my ears. Till my eyes glaze over and I am asleep standing up. And we go out in the car and they are very impressed by the big bad birds again and scenery. Personally, I just don't get it. Mountains, trees, rivers, sky. Gets them all of an oooh. To me, it's just quiet or noisy scenery and wet or dry scenery. Preference is for quiet and dry.

Back to sit in front of the fire, ears stroked by soft kind hands.
How good is this.

Kung Fu Mossie

2008-01-03T19:40:00.000Z

Lots of walks and hugs. Yesterday the Lady who came on Christmas Eve came to visit and we went out walking and then she was back for tea. Oooh, it was so nice. MBNAD woman and the Lady both stroking my ears. They didn't even mind when I snored.
Today shopping and tidying and then at lunch time, horror ; the dog that scared me came to visit. Bolshie Brucie. Here. He brought some nice people but I would have been happy if they had come on their own. He played with my toys and tried to get in my bed. I slunk behind the settee, ears back and head down. Then I managed to creep onto the cushions that she has put down for me in the sitting room. Still Bolshie Brucie came and nagged at me. Woofing and jumping around. I look at MBNAD woman and Brucie's woman and they are telling me that it's ok. Well I've got news for them: it's NOT ok. He was bouncing all over the place right in front of my nose. I used to just tell him to button it, said the voice, you could try it too. I just pulled one jowl back and made a very small grrrring noise. He jumped backwards and although he carried on woofing, he didn't try to get in my space again. And they said I was a good boy. Grrr. But just a little one. He's only a little Brucie even if he does think he's Bouncy Bruce Lee.
And then we went for a walk past the shouty sheepdogs to where the red kite live but the little girl got very cold so we came home for tea and Bolshie fell asleep.

A cup of kindness

2008-01-01T17:52:00.000Z

Ok, the voice was right. The beds did fill up and we had loads of people here and all of them fussed over me. We had lovely walks in the mountains and then they all cooked and drank and washed up and cooked and drank and washed up some more. I missed the Litter and I think that MBNAD woman did too but she had lots of fun with the people and laughed and laughed and laughed. I like her being happy.
Last night even more people came and brought a really big dog too with a long waggity tail that hurts when it waggits against you. Ooof. All the beds filled up and she even got some other beds outs of the cupboard.
"Nearly the end of the year, Mossie." she says "What a lot of changes for you in 2007." What does end of the year mean. I know about seasons and when it's lambing and market time, but what happens at the end of the year? Does the year get rolled up and put away? Does it all start again?
All the females put on different clothes and smells and paint. I don't know why they do that but they seem to spend a lot of time fussing about clothes and smells and paint. I like it best when she puts on old jeans and her sheep coat. But I suppose she did look nice in that dressed up sort of way. Also apparently it's rude to call the females bitches. Dunno why but I don't want to get picked up on manners.
They all seemed to be well settled in eating and drinking and I thought that we were getting to night night Mossie time when they all bundled out of the house leaving me. "C'mon Mossie, we're only going down to the Tanners to see in the New Year". But I can go to the Tanners. I lean on her leg and moan softly to her. No, not tonight, says the voice. I'll keep you company.
And when they got back, they were all laughing and seem to have been drinking and dancing. Oh well, they probably would have stepped on my toes since they're a lot more clumsy than me. Don't know why they don't go to agility classes since one of them fell out of bed. The word fine seemed to be the cause of a great deal of giggling too. How can bitch be rude and fine be hilarious? I feel that there is much to learn in 2008.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

Colliewobble

2007-12-29T07:18:00.000Z

Gone, bereft, desolate. Colliewobble. All woo hoo over. Don't be daft, says the voice.
The man with the Cat, the Litter and even the Cat left leaving just MBNAD woman. Yes, says the voice, patiently, that's because this is HER house and you live with her. But why couldn't they stay with me, I moan. I spend the day hugging her. Which makes her day a bit difficult since she's busy doing things with beds, washing, ironing and cooking. She falls over me quite a bit. Then we go shopping and she fills up the car with food.
I reckon these beds are going to fill up again soon, says the voice. You wait, she'll have lots of friends here soon. But I want the Litter back, I sob. Even the Cat would be nice. Pack it in, says the voice. When I was a pup, she would fill up the house with friends and they would have big parties. She did one here before you arrived and it would be great if there were more times like that. Sometimes there would be family too but they were mainly old people. There was an old lady who used to get my name wrong and used to wind MBNAD woman up with cranky behaviour. But still they loved each other.
So, says the voice, you are going to be a good and cheerful Colliewobble. Anyway, you'll be like an old tart as soon as the friends arrive. Spose so.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella".

Mossie's First Woo Hoo Christmas

2007-12-27T07:08:00.000Z

Yes, I know that I am ten years old but I have never had a Christmas before. I knew that indoor dogs had Christmas and, to be blunt, thought that it was all a bit ridiculous. Outdoor dogs have work to do. As far as I can tell, sheep don't have Christmas.
Since MBNAD woman and the Litter had been up so late, they were still lying in bed when there was a knock at the door. It was the Man who lives with the Cat. More bags, parcels and boxes.
More fuss and love for Mossie too. Woo hoo as the Little One says. Lots more woo hoo to come, says the voice.
Then they're cooking and chattering and opening parcels and cooking and laughing and ME, I'm in the middle of it. And there are even parcels for me. Balls and treats. Woo hoo. Hmmm, Merry Christmas, Mossie, since you seem to be permanent, says the Cat. And to you too, Bah Humbug, I reply. She bats me across the nose, but with the claws in. Don't try irony with me, sonny.
Our walk probably wasn't my finest moment. I couldn't face up to walking past those sheepdogs since they shouted that I was a wuss. Alright, I'm a 21kg wuss carried by the Tall One. You are supposed to protect them, not the other way round, says the voice. They love and care for you, you protect them. Get it? I think she's laughing at me. And I would protect them against anything except sheepdogs and terrifiers.
And how can I tell you about my dinner? They had this big bird. MBNAD woman got it from the place where they sell the deer. If they got this off the road, then the car that hit it is probably well and truly dented. And they gave me some. Woo hoo.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella, night night Humbug."

The same thing again yesterday. Visiting the Lady Next Door with the Dog with Leanings, I found that she has a cat too - small, very very old with no teeth, so I risked being friendly with it.
More walks, parcels, cooking and fuss. I am so tired that I fall asleep leaning on the Little One and when I wake up she is smiling at me. Woo hoo.
Dozing in front of the fire, I wonder if all the others who travelled with me from the home have had a woo hoo Christmas. I hope that Ann and all the ones still in the home have had a woo hoo Christmas too.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella, night night Humbug."

The Mossie and the Ivy

2007-12-24T21:53:00.000Z

So this is Christmas...

No, says the voice, you wait.

But how can it be better than this (even if I did get bitten by someone less than half my size)?

My week started badly. She went out for an evening. The Blonde comes to take me out for a walk and gives me my dinner, but even so, I EXPECT it to be MBNAD woman. When she got home, she had someone with her. A tall man. Young, a bit like the little one but bigger and younger. Lots of long, curly hair. I think that they are her Litter. This is the one whose smell has been around in this house but I have never seen him. He looks at me sadly, and then kneels and strokes me. He sits hugging me for a whole hour. This is nice. I think he's sad because of the old white dog. The voice tells me how much she loves him. In the morning he leaves but I'm glad I met him because he always smelled nice.

Just before the end of the week she appears with the little one and THAT Cat (in a suitcase!). It says something deeply rude. Before bed she's got lots of boxes and cases and packages ready filling up the hall. But we don't go anywhere. If she doesn't tidy this lot up we'll all be falling over. She's not usually this messy. Perhaps it's the influence of that cat. I watch carefully so that she can't escape withtout me but eventually we go to bed.

"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella, Night night Humbug"

I fall asleep smiling to myself. Even I can't be scared by someone named after a boiled sweet.

In the morning, I get worried that she will pack the car without me. But she doesn't. She gets me into the car and then Boiled-Sweet-Cat. We go first - I'm so happy not to be left behind. Then all the packages. And boxes. And bags. And more bags.

Wales, Powys, Home.

Bags, bags, boxes, packages all reversed out of the car. Then me and Humbug. Oh dear. I've just remembered what I did to the catflaps. I expect to get a hardboiled stare.

We go to the market. Eddie Stickmaker is not there but there is a grand stall with meat and cheese and MBNAD woman fills the basket with some nice things. I expect they're not for me.

Seem to have got away with the catflap. Apparently, the big piece of wood over the hole formerly known as a catflap stops the cat going out and getting squashed on the road. Which is a Good Thing.

On Saturday morning, we bundled in the car without the cat and set off for a drive to a place where we wait for a huge car that doesn't travel on the tarmac road. Instead it goes on its own stony road with two skinny rails for its wheels to run on. If we'd had one of these yesterday, me and Humbug would have been able to stretch out a bit and perhaps she wouldn't have had to travel in a suitcase. Perhaps we'd just come to look at the big car or maybe she's going to get one. Shame it doesn't come nearer to the cottage. Anyway, it's quite interesting to see all the people so I watch them all. And then, oh yes, it's the Tall One. He's here - let joy be unconfined.

Sunday she took me and the Tall One and the Little One visiting. There were lots of people: big ones, little ones, young ones and old ones. And two dogs. One has issues and was locked in the car so I only got to smell him on some of the people. But the other one, little and white terrier and very bouncy, lives there so it is full of his toys and bed. He tells me which are his people: Kind Man, Tall Lady, Playstation Boy and Little Girl. MBNAD woman calls her High-maintenance-god-daughter. They all make a fuss of me and Bouncy Brucie doesn't mind.
Which is why I thought that sniffing the parcels would be ok. Bouncy Brucie turned into Bolshie Brucie and I had to hide behind Kind Man's legs.

On the upside, I got lots of hugs. Even if they did laugh at me for being scared of someone less than half my size. Not so much a terrier as a terrifier.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella. Night night Humbug".

This is Christmas,says the voice. Or, more properly, Christmas Eve. She's going to be busy so don't worry, it will be very special. Even more busy. Oh dear. But I've got The Litter to look after me and fuss over me.

After dinner, when I think that it's night night Mossie time, they get dressed and go out in the cold but without me or the cat. Off to the place with dead people in the garden. When they get back it's really late and I can't keep my eyes from closing.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella. Night night Humbug".

This is Christmas. says the voice. Make it special.

Eloise and Abelard

2007-12-14T15:42:00.000Z

I have had a wonderful week. When we came back on Sunday, she brought loads of stuff from the little dark one's home. There's so much that she does that I don't understand so I just had a sniff at the bags to check if she's put the little dark one in there, but, no.
The week started as normal with work, Blonde, walks and dinner. But then a couple of afternoons back, I had a lovely surprise. The little dark one arrived. Oh yes, oh yes. I chatted to her and she was really pleased with my conversational skills. There's lots of stuff that I can do that they don't know about yet. Try smiling, says the voice. Hmmm, not sure I know how you do that.
The little dark one took me off for the evening to where That Cat lives. I had dinner and was allowed to curl up in the warm with my head on the little dark one's leg for ages and ages. I showed her how to do a neat trick. I will put my paws on her legs if she pats them. Think she may be worth training.
Just as I was wondering where I would sleep for the night MBNAD woman comes to take me home.
"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella" Did I dream the little dark one? No, she'll be back in the morning, said the voice.

Educating Mossie

2007-12-09T22:58:00.000Z

I've had another week of watching her being busy. At the end of the week, she had another chair delivered. She was so pleased. Chairs and trees seem to make her happy. And you do, says the voice. You make her happy too. It's only a chair but she was all curled up in it, happy as anything. We had a visitor on Friday night. Another nice lady. She knows some very kind ladies who all love to cuddle me. This is very nice and it always seems to be the same for me. Nice warm house, cuddly people. I'm just beginning to get used to it.
She's brought another tree into the house. This one sparkles with all different colours and I think it's not real. Really not real. Doesn't smell right and I've never seen one that sparkles like this. Also when I walked round the back, I could see a wall string. It seems to please her and while she sat in her new chair smiling at her sparkle tree, I could curl up in front of the fire. Funny fire. She doesn't bring coal in but it seems to burn coal that never burns away. She probably is a witch but no-one seems to have guessed except me. I really like how warm I can get in front of the fire although she seems to think I might burn my tail. Not if I tuck it in really tightly.

Today, we went in the car for another long drive. I thought we might be off to the other place but when we arrived there were no hills and there were lots of streets and cars and people. We left the car in a funny building with lots of cars and then climbed some stairs that I didn't much like. "C'mon, Mossie, I can't carry you". I didn't want her to carry me, I just didn't want to go up those stairs. When we staggered to the top of the stairs, there was a lovely treat for me. There was the little dark one. This is where she keeps her! In a room with all her stuff: clothes and books and essence of HER. I do so much like the little dark one. She's really good to hug and she gave me some nice treats.
Then we went off to a pub where we sat in the warm and I had some chips and cheese. "Do you like Cambridge, Mossie?" asked the little dark one. You bet.

Burnham Wood and other metaphysical matters

2007-12-02T13:17:00.000Z

Another week where she goes off to work, my divine Blonde takes me out for a walk, MBNAD woman comes back and we have dinner, she goes out sometimes in the evening and I shout at her. And so it goes. Then some deeply weird things happen. They usually involve MBNAD woman but one of them involved my Blonde. After taking me for a lovely walk, she brought a package into the house. It has tiny bone shaped treats stuck onto a tree shaped thing. When MBNAD woman gets back, she smiles at it and says, "Ooh Mossie, I don't think that Bella ever had an Advent Calendar". No, I didn't, but I did get some tree decorations and red-and-gold woman's old dog sucked some chocolate coins one Christmas, said the voice, you'll have lots of fun. And you MUST be nice to her.
So this is Christmas? Outside dogs don't have Christmas. What else will happen.

Then when we get to the end of the week, she starts doing the fussing thing with the car. I try really hard to make sure she won't leave me behind so I make sure I get in the car. "Ooof, Mossie, you are a soppy boy. I'm not going to abandon you". Does she mean it? While I'm sitting clinging onto the seat, wondering to myself whether she means it, she comes out of the house with a chair. Well, you'll have to put that on the roof, I think to myself, because I'm not shifitng. Next thing, she starts to fiddle with a switch in the car. She does a lot of playing around with buttons and switches mainly to make music come out, so I settle myself down, thinking I'm sorted. Then there's a draught over my head. What? How? The top of the car is disappearing. Yes, I meant that : disappearing. The top of the car is sliding away. I get up sharpish and have a quick shout at her just in case she doesn't spot what's happening. MBNAD woman doesn't seem surprised at all. Then she puts the chair in the car and the roof comes back. I think that she could have been burned for that kind of thing. I hope she doesn't get burned because I like being with her.

Supernatural matters dealt with, off we go. "Wales, Powys, home, Mossie."

Shopping. She took me to the Market Hall where a nice man called Eddie Stickmaker was selling walking sticks and shepherd's crooks. No sheep, but she wants a stick. She tells the man about the old white dog without having a wet moment and the man says he will make one for her. What about this boy; do you want one for him, he asks. Not for a few years yet she says.

We went to the place where she gets the deer. I'm not allowed inside but she comes out with more deer. For Christmas. I wonder if they scrape them all off the road or if there's somewhere else they come from.

Next she buys a tree. This garden thing looks obsessive to me. Back at the house, I expect her to start a digging hole for this tree. But no ... she brings it into the house. Then I realise that it's not real. She covers it with lights and baubles and tiny figures and then give me a hard stare and tells me not to pee on it. As if ... doesn't she realise that I am a true gentleman and would never pee indoors. Anyway I only pee on real trees. I have my standards. Which is more than you can say for people who bring trees indoors. "D'you think it's a bit naff, Mossie?" What can I say? It's not a real tree and it's indoors. She tells me that it was made popular by someone called Victoria'n'Albert who may have run a pub or been the Posh'n'Becks of their day. Either way, trees indoors ...

Christmas, says the voice. Lot's more strange stuff to come. You wait.

Cold sharp proper winter afternoon. We walk from the village up to the hills behind where a big, powerful bird is hovering over the fields. I know those birds are bad and have sharp talons and beaks. She thinks they are magnificent. Wouldn't think that if she was a rabbit.

We pass some sheepdogs who shout at me so I hid behind her legs. "Oh Mossie, you are soppy". Anyway, they come skittering down the lane towards us, showing off and then dart behind us. Ok, I steal myself for a bite at the back of the legs and I don't want her bitten either. I didn't reckon with what came next. MBNAD woman whirled round and yelled at them in a language that may be related to cat. Certainly good for swearing. They slunk off. She's good. On our way back, they came up all friendly-like. How'd your nose get like that, they ask? Fightin', I say as we sauntered off.

Mea Culpa

2007-11-25T09:28:00.000Z

It's taken me all week to confess to this, but I think she knew anyway. Who else could have done it. Not the old white dog. Last Sunday morning, she went off to the place where they have dead people in the garden but I wasn't allowed to go. "Back soon, Mossie" she said. I just don't know what soon is. She left the kitchen door open so as soon as she left I had another go at the catflap on the outside door. Took hardly any time at all to get it off and then it broke completely. Big hole in door so I could stick my head through and shout at her when she came back. "Oh Mossie, I only fixed that yesterday". I knew that. "I haven't got time to fix it now. You are a wicked boy". What does this mean. Might she send me away? Then she was cooking something - more deer, I think. They probably kill quite a lot of them on the roads round here. A visitor. She seems to be good at feeding visitors. Looks a bit like MBNAD woman and the short dark one but not from the same litter as either of them. Once they finish the deer, MBNAD woman says that she need to sort out the door. I watch her carefully, just peeping round the kitchen door in case she is cross with me. This time she gets a big piece of wood and tools and, making humphy noises, screws the wood over the hole in the door. That'll be more of a challenge, says the voice. Don't think I ever ate anything quite that substantial but I managed all the edges of a table and most of a dog bed in my younger days. "Humph, humph, stop telling him bad things Bella". By this time there is snow coming outside and she says we have to go otherwise we'll be "snowed in". Whatever .. I make sure I'm in the car first and we set off through all the soft white stuff. Shame, says the voice, we could have made snow angels. Snow WHAT? Back to the other house, sheepless work, walks with the Blonde. I am beginning to see a pattern here. Then we get to Friday. She takes me for my short walk when she gets home and then gets changed. I don't recognise these clothes: not dog walking and not work. Are we going in the car to the other house? Paint and smells though. In the car, but not me. "Back soon, Mossie" she said. I just don't know what soon is. When she got back she had a big package with garden stuff in it. I have noticed she likes to cut up bits of the garden and put them in pots of water in the house. This garden stuff smelled weird. Didn't come from her garden and a bit of it poked my nose. Ouch. Yesterday morning, she took me out for a great walk in the frost and we played blue bouncy ball. "Oh Mossie, this is great snow angels weather". She looks like she might have wet eyes and nose again.

Today, she was up fussing in the kitchen early. Another thing with string sticking in the wall - bowl-whizzer-box-wallstring. Lots of fruit, butter and eggs and things things smell like they might make you sneeze. After fussing and mixing, she emptied it all into some pots and put it into the oven. I think that may have a wallstring too since she never brings in coal. She is probably burning the stuff now. Maybe I'll get some to eat later. No, don't bother. It made me very sick. says the voice. The house smells warm and she is going to take me for another walk. Oh yes, yes, yes.

Bread of Heaven

2007-11-17T20:18:00.000Z

Since we arrived so late, I would have thought she would have been a bit tired today but she has been doing useful things all day. I'm tired just watching her.
But first I have to tell you about this morning. Breakfast is another strange thing. Sometimes she makes a bowl of something that looks like someone has eaten it first. To be honest, I'm not that bothered that she doesn't want to share a dish of sick with me. On weekends, she does something truly amazing. It starts with putting some magic dust in a wall string box that goes chunter and whirr for a while and then it begins to smell warm and then it smells just grand and the magic dust turns to bread. She takes the bread out of the wall string box and then slices it up and burns it. After burning it she puts some sweet stuff on it and gives me a little bit with butter. The burning machine has a wall string too. Now if she put the wall sting box in the bed it would be warm and smell great.
So she was a bit busy with other stuff when she was using the wall string burner. After spreading the sweet stuff on a piece of burnt bread, she got some other stuff and spread it on my piece. I have no idea what it is but that voice is back saying shut up, you'll like this bit.
Well I have never eaten anything like it before. Sticky, sweet, salty, nutty, weird, nice. Shame about your ears, says the voice. Nothing wrong with my ears, rather perky and intelligent looking. Yes, says the voice, but you can't save anything for later with short ears. Oh.
Then a man arrives with floor covers for the room attached to the kitchen. This is the room with the catflaps at either end. She spends all day fussing about it. Moving stuff, putting up new window covers. Up and down steps all day.
There Mossie, doesn't it look nice now. Ummm. Yes, spose so.
Catflaps are back in place too. For the moment.
We are sitting by a box with a window with a fire inside. No string with this. The fire can't spit at me so I don't mind sitting by it. She had to use some cat words to get it to start.
If she's not careful it will be
"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella" here in front of the fire.

Catflap Cottage redux

2007-11-17T00:12:00.000Z

So she gets back from work (still no smell of sheep) and off we go on my pre-prandial stroll. Then she puts a nice dinner for me and while my brain is occupied stuffing my face, she starts filling up the car with bags and boxes again. This looks serious and I think that it may precede a kitchen lock-in. So, I swiftly polish off the last of the dinner and head to the car. While she's fussing with the back of the car, I try getting in but I can't get into the back seat where she has blanket for me. So, I settle myself down and sit on the seat next to her and curl up so I look really small. Not much of me hangs over the edge. Well done says a voice. I knew you'd work it out.
MBNAD woman comes out and laughs but doesn't shove me off the seat. Result.
Then off we go. Long drive like we did with red-and-gold woman. Lots of other cars giving rise to some extreme cat-language from MBNAD woman.
Wales, Mossie. Powys. Home.
Aha - it's that house again. No need for ears back and head down this time. I know it's ok. Even if there is that dog with leanings next door. Sticking his nose in my bottom is just nice manners but poking it into my ears strikes me as a bit personal.
Then she's off being busy. Definitely MAD.
It's certainly my bedtime even if MBNAD woman thinks that it's time for fiddling with unpacking books and bottles and putting up pictures. Then more weird stuff that I just had to watch.
She has a jug with a wall string which she fills with water. Then the water gets really hot. Normally she uses the jug-with-wall-string to make tea but tonight she gets a bag and fills it with the hot water. Then puts a stopper in the top of the bag and then puts the bag in her bed. She seems to get cold so the bag will keep her warm. Now if the wall string makes the water in the jug hot why doesn't she just put the wall string in her bed?
Or even better, why not a Mossie to curl up on the end of the bed? No, no, says the voice. She needs to think that you need the hug, not her.
"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella. We'll need to sort out those catflaps tomorrow." We certainly will.

Of strings and things

2007-11-14T22:27:00.000Z

Lovely lovely walk. Today she didn't do the work thing so early. I still wonder what it is that she's doing without involving sheep. Anyway off for a walk and just before we got to the door, she went back. I thought, oh no, she's changed her mind. No back to the kitchen for a bag with bread. Halfway through the door, she goes back again. Aha, this is it, I thought, another one of her ploys to get me into the kitchen. But no, just going back to collect the bouncy blue ball. She's going to need some training if she keeps fogetting things.

Then off round the pond. There's a little platform and she got out the paper bag. Bread bits. So I sat neatly. Nothing. Can you believe this? She threw them at a duck. At a duck! And every piece missed and it didn't fetch and it didn't sit neatly and it didn't put its head on her knee. I have no idea why you would throw bread at ducks but it made her happy enough and, generally speaking, I like it better when she's happy. As soon as we walked off the duck started collecting the bread bits.

Off to the bridge. I'm used to it now.

Then back to the house and the kitchen routine but I don't mind because the nice Blonde takes me out too.

When MBNAD woman comes home she does this cleaning thing. Does it a lot. She has a brush on a stick which I steer clear of. Some people can't be trusted with stick-brushes. But the other thing is just weird. It's like the stick-brush but it has a big box on it and a string that she sticks in the wall. You couldn't make this stuff up could you? Sticking a string in the wall. It makes a huge amount of noise whereas stick-brush is quiet. Stick-brush-box-string sucks up dog hair. To begin, I would stay as far away as possible but she only uses it for sucking up dog hair. Boy does it suck up dog hair. Pretty soon the box is full of my hair and she empties it into the bin. "Enough to make a spare dog Mossie". That worries me a bit because it does suggest that she doesn't know even the most basic facts of life. Perhaps that's why I was done - maybe she didn't know I had a use for them.
Then she's doing that wet thing from the eyes and nose again. I guess if she could make a spare dog it would be the old white one.
"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella".

Bridge too far over troubled water

2007-11-10T20:31:00.000Z

I cannot even imagine why I am telling you these next bits.

Where MBNAD woman takes me for my morning and evening walk, there are two small bridges. Really little, if I stretched out properly, I could reach both ends. So why did this happen? Just before the bridge there's one of these bin things that people put dog poo in. The smell is just great, so I suppose I was a bit distracted. I probably didn't have my head and feet going the same way. Great sense of flying. Briefly. Big splash. I fell off the bridge.
MBNAD woman laughed. "Oh, oh, oh", she wheezed, "Bella never did that".
No, I didn't, said the voice, but sometimes, I got down there anyway. Mud's great isn't it.

In the evening, there was this beautiful girl. Black Labrador. Gorgeous. Get a load of this. C'mon big boy, I'm all yours. Man with her gets a bit worried, "She's in season, so I'm trying to keep her away from other dogs". MBNAD woman smiles and says "He can't do anything about it; he's missing the necessary bits". Oh marvellous. Broadcast it, why don't you.

I slink off. Spirit willing, flesh extracted.

Newton's law of cat flaps

2007-11-07T22:57:00.001Z

Just when I turned my back, they escaped. There is a hole in the door with a flap thing for cats. I expect the cat with bad language swore at it every time she went through. Certainly swore at me. Isaac Newton invented the cat flap. If he had one with language like that, he wouldn't have gone round making holes in doors. And then what happened next wouldn't have happened.
If I stuck my head through the hole, I could see outside so I reckoned that if I worked on it, then I could get all the way out. Didn't work though. There's just a hole in the door now.
"Oh Mossie" she said. But didn't shout.

Tall man had cake and I put my head on his leg for ages but he didn't give me any. But he did stroke my ears.

Then they all got dressed up and went out again. Leaving me in the kitchen. Another cat flap. Another hole in the door. Still didn't get out. For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. I chewed and the cat flap fell off. Pretty equal and opposite to the result I wanted.

"Oh Mossie" she said.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella" Did he really eat two cat flaps? "Mmmm"

Sunday 4th November
Man and red-and-gold woman went away today leaving me with MBNAD woman. She did more cutting up and digging and I supervised.
Then just as I was thinking about some tea, she packed everything up in the car and off again. This is really confusing. Monmouthshire, England, back again Mossie.
Ah, it's the house that I know. That's ok. In fact, that's grand. I like this place. There's a special step for the old white dog and that's ok with me.

I sniff the special stair as she goes to bed.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella"

Terra Incognita

2007-11-03T17:34:00.000Z

Another house. Smells of MBNAD woman, small dark one, another one (male, can't work him out but he had been in the other house too), THAT cat (the one with the bad language) and the white dog. For an old dog, she seemed to get around a lot. Lots of fuss with red-and-gold woman who doesn't know this house. Bed time.
"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella". MBNAD woman is still sad, but doesn't cry and seems happier here. I wish I was too.

Friday 2nd November
Busy day. We go to a town with a place called a market. Fish, meat, eggs, cheese. None of it for me. MBNAD woman is really smiley today. She takes me everywhere with her, no going to work and she wears dog walking clothes all day.
In the afternoon we go for a walk and I meet some little boys who want to play ball. They are really good at throwing and didn't mind too much when the ball got holes in it. One of the smaller ones said the ball smelt of dog and was covered in dog spit. I wouldn't have minded if he spat on it too.
In the evening, MBNAD woman cooked something that smelled of heaven. Even better than jacket potato but I didn't get any of it. Called it venison but I reckon it was deer. She shared it with red-and-gold woman and another one who has a sheepdog called Smokey who seems to have leanings. Now, I'm all for diversity but there are limits. When they were still there, I speak of my sad loss, I wouldn't have stood for it but I suppose life is different now. Anyway, he seems to have been deprived in the same way as I have and he's an old boy, but it still didn't put him off. I'll have to watch out for that gleam in his eye.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella". Sleep well. Who said that?

Saturday 3rd November

They do something called gardening. It seems to be a bit like farming in miniature. A lot of cutting up, digging holes and putting in plants. Red-and-gold woman is really keen on this gardening thing and I can sit in the sunshine and watching them. This way they can't escape without me noticing.

We walk to the big building called a church and MBNAD woman asks if I can go in. Well if they can so can I. Funny big old building, quite cold and draughty. No sleeping or washing rooms that I can see at all. I like her gardens better. This garden is full of stones and underneath the stones are dead people. Not good.

Man arrives for food. Very tall, belongs with red-and-gold woman.

Girls, girls, girls

2007-11-03T08:08:00.000Z

Wednesday 31st
Off she goes to this work. I am learning to spot it now - off with the dog walking clothes, a lot of washing, adding extra smells and paint and then different clothes and really silly shoes. Once I have spotted this, I make sure that I don't go into the kitchen room. Doesn't work of course because she does manage to get me in there. Soft words about being a "good boy" and how she will be back. But how can I tell? And how long will she need to be away? She tells me that someone will come to see me but who are they and why?
A few small woofs, but I hear her car going away. Why can't I go to work too?
Some time later, I hear the door open and the front of the house making this high pitched bleepy noise. It does it when she leaves and when she comes back, so I get ready to tell her how much I love her. But it's not her. Another woman, younger, pretty, with long blonde hair. Boy does she smell good - horses, dogs, cats, all sorts. She knows who I am and really makes a fuss of me. Then she gets my lead. Perhaps I am going to work with her? Off to her van, other dogs and then for a great walk with more and more new smells. Young really fluffy dog went chasing after a horse and I had to make sure the others behaved while that was all going on. I've never tried herding horses but I think that it's a lot harder than sheep. For a start they're bigger and have hard hooves. Some training needed, I feel, so perhaps I can help the Blonde to educate this one. And then back in the van and back to the house. No work. Strange. But I did like her and she called me a "sweetie". Old Irish charm still there, boy.
Back to sleep for a bit and I hear the door/bleep again. Sniff, different woman. Oh I like this one too. She chats away to me like crazy and has wonderful red and gold curly hair.
Another walk. Definitely no work going on today. She knows the pond walk and obviously knew the white dog and is a bit sad about her but not like MBNAD woman and the little dark one.
Then MBNAD woman is back and we have our evening walk and then she reads a paper left by red-and-gold woman. "You have had a lucky day for walks, haven't you Mossie?" But shes's not cross with me.

Thursday 1st November
Same routine for walking, her disappearing for work, walk with pretty Blonde.
Red-and-gold woman arrives again, with bags this time. Is she moving in? Small dark one came with bags too so perhaps it's just temporary. Anyway, she knows the walking places so that's grand with me.
MBNAD woman gets back and it's all busy again. Changing clothes - check out they are more like dog walking clothes, so that's ok. Then bags, baskets, boxes all into the car. No don't leave me, please. Desperate, I cling to her legs, leaning on her so it's hard for her to go. Red-and-gold woman suggests letting me go to the car. No idea what they are doing but at least I am not being left behind.
They chat all the time, sometimes including me in the conversation, but I don't really know what to say, so I curl up and sleep. Long drive. "Wales" says MBNAD after a while, then, "Powys", then "Home".
"Come on, Mossie, out you come". I am not sure I like what's going on.

Where does she go?

2007-10-30T20:00:00.000Z

Two mornings now she has taken me out for a walk, we've had breakfast and then she changes her clothes. Into the kitchen, a load of cobblers about me being a good boy and that she has to go to work.
WORK? Doesn't have any sheep to deal with, so how can it be work.
Yesterday I tried a small bark but it didn't help. So today I didn't go into the kitchen. MBNAD woman then got my nice blue play ball and tossed it into the kitchen. Not bad for ten years old, if I say it myself. Into the kitchen, caught the ball and back out into the hall before she could get me into the kitchen. So it was all down to the Mrs Discipline Voice. I gave in.
Nice girl again to see me in the day and then MBNAD woman is back in those clothes that cannot be for work. She was a bit later today; something about train delays. I suspect that there might be someone else. I'll watch her carefully tomorrow.

New balls

2007-10-29T18:52:00.000Z

Sunday

Took them both out for a walk today. There were these big cages with people in them playing with balls and bats. I woofed to see if I could play with them too.
The short one brought a present - a blue ball. I suppose that's supposed to be some kind of compensation.
Well, at least they know how to play the game. Had the short one running around quite a bit till she worked out what the rules were. Didn't the white dog teach them anything?
Had lots of big hugs with the small one. She seems to be packing a bag again. Is she being re-homed too?

Monday
I was right. The woman took me out for a walk and when we got back, the short one had a bag ready to leave and they went away in the car without me. Perhaps the woman exchanged me for her?
I liked her, but on reflection, if it's a choice of her or me, then she has to go.

This evening we went out for another walk past the same place as yesterday. There is a little house there and I went inside before the woman could stop me. There were lots of bright green balls and a kind person gave me one from a pile of old ones and said I could keep it.

So now I have a green ball and a blue ball. Almost like it used to be.

Terra Nova

2007-10-27T17:05:00.001+01:00

Friday 26th October
Waking up in my new home. Couldn't believe that it wasn't a dream. MBNAD woman makes breakfast for me and has stopped weeping. I feel it's only temporary. Despite her soggy tendencies, I think that she is worth cultivating. Extremely susceptible to the head on knee technique.
Out for the same walk as yesterday. Doesn't she know anywhere else to go? We get back to that bridge again and I veer off sharply right. MBNAD gets the message. That was HER walk not mine. We'll go my way round the pond, thank you.
More jacket potato. Limited walking and cooking repertoire.
Later, in the car. How far this time? Settling down for a sleep, we're there before I know it. I recognise this kind of place. Smells of frightened animals. I have only been a couple of times to these kind of places and the last time I lost the crown jewels. What can they be expecting to remove this time. I lie down, protecting what's left.
I might have to revise the view that she's not actually dangerous. Quite small really, but strong enough to pick me up and shove me through the door.
Two warders at the desk. No other dogs but 2 cats in cages.
"Mossie Miller" - a man beckons us towards a small room. He looks in my eyes, my ears, my mouth, prods my belly. Remarks on my recent sad loss. I sit down just in case there's anything worse in store. "C'mon old boy - let's pop you on the scales". Definitely revising the view now. I think that maybe I am being sized up for eating. 21kg. Is that with or without stuffing?
"Don't look so sad - come look me in the eye, you've no need to look submissive now". If you were going to be making a guest appearance on the table on Christmas Day, how cheerful would you look?
They have a really fascinating 5 minutes on fleas, worms and ticks.
Outside, back with the warders, MBNAD woman waits for something that will deal with all of the above. The warders all talk about the white dog but look at me in a kindly way.
More cats in cages and one very small puppy. They'll never get that big enough for Christmas.
Home for dinner - she says I deserve a treat for being a good boy.
At bedtime, she says "Night night Mossie, night night Bella" but doesn't cry, much.

Saturday 27th

Today she says she's going to try leaving me for a short time. I try to sleep but I don't know what a short time means. When she gets back, I'll try a little bark to remind her that I don't much like this being on my own.
Then it's in the car again and off we go to get another dog. Perhaps she wants a choice of eating.

Not a dog. A person.
Short, even shorter than MBNAD woman. But she smells of the house, the house smells of her. Long thick mane - she must take a lot of grooming. Well, it will keep the woman busy. This short person is very keen on hugging me. Warm and cuddly, though.
I teach her a trick. If she gives me a treat, I will hold out my paw. Quick learner.

Out for dinner - should I dress? The small one washes and the woman grooms her. And I am right: all that dark hair does take a lot of brushing.

Where we go for dinner there's a cat. It has very bad language.

Home (is this home? how long for?) and bedtime.

"Night night Mossie, night night Katherine, night night Bella". She doesn't cry tonight.

Mossie's big day

2007-10-26T19:34:00.000+01:00

Thursday 25th October 2007
My day started really on Wednesday when I started my long journey from Ireland. I tried to tell Ann that I could stay and would be good and although she looked sad, she still sent me away. All the way from Galway to Rosslare (wherever they are... I only left the farm a few weeks ago). Loaded into a cage and into a van and then onto a ferry. . Nothing in the last 10 years had prepared me for this, but at least I wasn't seasick unlike some of the others. I felt I had to be really brave since I seemed to be the only grown up in the van. Some of them were really little - and they cried most of the time.
I have always been able to sleep in most places but the cage was uncomfortable. The man driving was nice, but had a lot to do with all the little ones.
Fishguard, Wales. Wherever that is. Off the ship, at least But we're still not there. I don't even know where there is. What there looks like. Who will be there. Will there be frightening. I don't even know why I'm being sent there. Hours and hours in the van, long and not very winding road. My nose itches.
Still dark, we turn off the road into a small clearing. P-I-C-N-I-C A-R-E-A. My cage is at the back of the van so I can see out a bit. I wish I knew what "picnic area" meant.
Donal, the man driving, opened the van and took out one of the little ones. Barking, in that frantic puppy way. Gone. Voices outside.
"Mossie's a lovely old boy, really nice"
"I'm sure he'll be smashing"
Smashing - what does she think I'm going to do? Run a Greek restaurant? Well, at least she sounds harmless. But you never can tell.
Door opening, cage opening. Lead on collar. Oh my goodness, I must get a grip on my syntax.
She doesn't look actively dangerous but the light isn't too good yet. Squinting up, I can only see a streak of dawn light.
"Gosh, aren't you a sweetheart". Who says "gosh"?
At least I managed a pee in the woods before another van. Except this isn't a van. It's one of those car things. The mad-but-not-actively-dangerous woman has a feeble attempt to shove me into the car thing. No back doors so I have to climb in. Vans are easier. I have been thinking so much about me in the last few minutes that I forgot the others. They were depending on me.
And now I am on my own. Caninely, speaking. She's been mumbling something but I have no idea what she means so I settle down for another long journey. My eyes are hardly closed when we stop again. We're here. Here? is that a bit like "there"? It's just dark. Maybe there is just dark.
"Come on Mossie" - a house thing. I am expected to go in. A house. Scents. Another dog. They complain when we smell but their houses are full of smells. Some I can't work out at all. Dog, cat, people, garlic. But there's only the woman here now.
A bowl: water. A bowl: food. I wait, just in case one of the big boys is around. MBNAD woman pushes the food towards me. Just check that no-one else wants it. Go for it Mossie. I can feel one of those gosh moments coming on too.
Tired now.
MBNAD woman says "Shall we go for a walk?" leaving me feeling like it's not really optional. I suppose I won't feel so stiff if I walk for a bit and I do need to go. She'll remember the poo bag next time.
Cars, vans, buses - and that's just to get to our walk. Woods with lots of strange scents. MBNAD woman likes this walk and she talks to me a lot. A pond , trees and a bridge. MBNAD woman is really sad here, ears back and nose down. She says "we call the bridge 'The Pooh Sticks Bridge' ". Whatever. We set off towards it. There on the bridge. White dog. Old. Waiting. Puffing, pink tongue lolling out. Just as if she had raced to get there first. She.

MBNAD woman can't see her. But she's doing that wet thing from her eyes and nose and there's no way I'm crossing that bridge with a snivelling woman. And the dog I could smell in the house is standing in the middle of the bridge. "Come on Mossie", says MBNAD woman. I feel she's going to say that a lot.
I crawl onto the bridge, belly to the ground. We've both got ears back and nose down now. She stops in the middle, next to the other dog who is giving me a hard stare by now. After a moment, we walk on, leaving the white dog still watching us. "Come on Mossie, she's not really there". MBNAD but really stupid.
Back to the house. So tired. At least she's not wet now.
Sleep for a bit. Floor is hard but I am so tired I could sleep on my nose, If it it didn't itch.
Waking suddenly, she's has gone. I look round and hear her. Above. How?
Looking up, I see her head and there is this path going up. "I'm only upstairs, Mossie". Only up what? I put my foot on the bottom steps of the path and she comes down baring her teeth but not in a biting way.
She sits at the bottom of the steps and puts her arms round me. Resting my head on her knee, I think that she might be ok. With training.
Another doze and I wake to her doing some food that I don't recognise. "Jacket potato, Mossie, my lunch not yours!". A voice, unbidden, urges me to try this strange food. I do the sitting neatly, paws together, pleading eyes. It works, it works! I try this potato - food of the angels. Remember this, says the white dog
After another sleep, I find that she has gone back upstairs. This time I follow and when I get to the top she tells me all about the upstairs rooms. Sleeping and washing, mainly.
Washing. Oh no. I am trying to blank out what came next. Yes, I smelt. It has taken me years to get like that. Distinctive. Powerful. Now I smell medicated. If the other boys used to beat me up before, they would have such a lot of fun with me now.
"I think that I need a cup of tea" says MBNAD woman. I watch carefully and she asks if I want one too. I have NO IDEA what she's on about but the jacket potato was a good experiment so I do that thing again that seems to work. So, there in the bowl is this light brown, milky liquid. Not a jacket potato, then. Tongue in, experimentally. Slightly warm, makes my tongue curl in a pleasant way. Tannic, says the voice.
Bed time, Mossie. Where now? A bed, all for me.
"Night, night Mossie, night, night, Bella" she says. But I know that the white dog isn't here tonight.