Edible Mossie

So I tried to remember all the Wise Things that the Princess taught me:

1) You’re never to old to frolic
2) Frosty days are good for wriggling in the garden
3) Flowerpot water is best
4) No matter how much they hiss, cats really do want to be friends
5) Always claim innocence, regardless of evidence
6) They can't leave you behind if you're sitting in the suitcase
7) A good nap is one of life’s undervalued pleasures
8) Always be willing to wait for a friend
9) You can go a long way with a smile
10) Always check if fishermen have biscuits. Settle for maggots if they don't
11) Postmen expect to be woofed at. Don't let them down.
12) A bed is more comfortable once it’s been thoroughly kicked
13) Being clean just creates an opportunity to get mucky again
14) However, dark the world may seem, bad times will end, even bath time
15) Kitten food is for everyone
16) Never turn your back on a bicycle
17) Be at home, wherever you find yourself
18) Remember, she loves us, always

But she didn’t offer any advice on grass seeds. They don’t half make you itch and these were itchy sharp. So I did the best I could and chewed a bit of my hair to get them away from the skin. Then once I’d done that, I pulled that bit of hair out. Then the bit next to it. No advice on when you’ve got a bald bum, either.

The Little Dark One is around a lot and between them they kept trying to stop me from nibbling. But the relief was exquisite. So the MBNAD woman started to wash my chewed bit with salty water.

We went to the vet’s place since the salty water had just me a bit tastier. MBNAD woman said that she’s put vinegar or pepper on me next. Really. Nice Girly Vet. She did suggest that I was a bit well covered. My story about it being just my winter coat was blown since there isn’t nearly so much winter coat left. Anyway, itchy bits all sorted and so I gave the Nice Girly Vet a particularly appealing gaze and nudgy nosed her. She gave me a treat. Well actually, three treats. I needed to stock up just in case they start talking diets and I don’t get much to eat in future.

Second to the right and straight on till morning

The day after the Border Collie party, they all came for a walk: Man with the Cat, Tall One, Little Dark One and MBNAD woman. And the Princess, waiting at the bottom of the stairs, on her favourite stair. Eager and ready.

MBNAD woman got a special box from a high cupboard. She's got cupboards where she keeps shoes and clothes and some high ones where she keeps hats and bags. And Princesses .... no corrects HRH, just one, Me.

They were all really quiet and we went for a walk by the pond. We got to the bridge where I first saw HRH on the day that I arrived. Standing in the middle of the bridge, she said, It's all up to you now, Colliewobble. You've got to look after them, especially our MBNAD woman. I was going to leave sooner but couldn't go when you needed me to help look after her. But now, you're brave and she's well again.

I'm not really brave, I wanted to say. And how do I know that she's properly well again? Brave enough and well enough. Both of you, comes one last Royal command.

And with a shimmer of dust in the sunlight, I see a little busy little white flash. A shade of love and joy and fun. Young again.

From the bridge to the stream.
From the stream to the river.
From the river to the sea.
From the sea to the sky.

"Night night Mossie"

Praesento Vobis Hanc Mulierem

I like weekends normally. She don't go to work, makes me toast for breakfast and we have long walks with big hugs. It's even better if there are visitors or we go There.
First of all, it went quite well since we had to collect the Tall One from the place with the car on rails. He spent ages fussing over me. And me, snuffles the Princess. My ears, she said, longingly. After dinner, they chatted for ages and laughed and then my MBNAD woman said they needed to go to bed because we'd have to be up early.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

By "we" she didn't mean me. Lovely long walk, round the pond. Oh yes, very nice just before abandoning me. The Princess says there are some things that you can't even do if you're Royal. That's a first for her. She's always claimed she could do anything. To be reasonable, she said, I can't DO most things these days, but I can WATCH. Well, we both watched while the Tall One got dressed in something that looked very like work clothes. Very smart, he looked said the Princess. Then my MBNAD woman got dressed in something pretty woo hoo. All floaty and soft and Definitely-not-for-Dog-Walking shoes. This looks pretty bad. They're off somewhere and I'm not going to be allowed to come along if they're in smart gear. Humph

They went to Cambridge. It's just not fair. She don't dress up in woo hoo gear when we go there. She goes in Dog-Walkers and we meet the Little Dark One and we have walks that end with cheesy chips in pubs. I moan a bit and hang my head over the side of my bed just so they know I'm not happy.

But I went to watch, said HRH, so I can tell you what happened next. When they got there the Man with the Cat was there too. First of all they filled the cars up with the Little Dark One's stuff. Then the next bit was really strange. The Little Dark One got dressed up as a border collie. It was a fancy dress party. Oh, I did so used to like parties. There were lots of other people dressed up in collie costumes with some dressed as other dogs like poodles, and red setters with one chap dressed up like a big old bassett hound. And they stood around in the garden. all dressed up eating strawberries. Perhaps they didn't let you go because they would have confused you with all the pretend collies. Well, after the strawberry eating, all the ones in fancy dress, lined up and went off to a pretend dog show. They walked all through the streets to a special building where the dog show was held. The Man with the Cat, The Tall One and our MBNAD woman all watched. MBNAD woman got wet eyes again. Then they came back and drank more sparkly stuff. And that was it, says the Princess. Placet.



My day wasn't all bad, I spose. My DB came and we went for a ball throwing walk. Just me and her. Just like a date. Then she came back later and gave me my tea. Not all bad at all. She gave me a whole tin for dinner. MBNAD woman only does half a tin with crunchy food. Not all bad. Placet.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

Officially Very Clever

Turns out that the Little Dark One is as good at Noggin the Nog, Merlin the Magician and Swearing in Old Cat as I was at Sheepdog Studies. The Tall One is also officially Very Clever at Hot Pixie, Stargazy and Surely you Must be Joking.



My MBNAD woman and the Man with the Cat drink some sparkly pink stuff and MBNAD woman gets wet eyes. But not sad wet.

Of course, we royals didn't normally go to university in my day, sniffs HRH. Think she's a bit left out so I tell her that, if they were handing out degrees in Trollopy Princess Studies, she'd get a First too.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

Legs, Lies and Pink Shoes

She lied to me. Not like the Liar-Coward lied but even so I was pretty shocked. Right Leg all better. She was hopping and dancing and running. It was all wonderful. I sent bouquets to everyone. Then she went and did it all over again to the Other Leg. Off she went and came back with the leg all bandaged up and wrapped up in one of those nasty tight leg wrappers. And not the sort you put out for a Woo Hoo Christmas.

Well, the only consolation is that she ain't got any more legs.

She had to lie down a lot again and had wet nose and wet eyes. I tried really hard to look after her but I'm glad that the Tall One came to look after her again. At least we sat in the garden and had big hugs.



"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

The Tall One has had an operation too. Dunno what he had done but all the long long hair has gone. He don't seem to need any bandages or lying down.

They went to a special party while the Tall One was here. The Hello Mister Woman doesn't just have the Girlie, she's got a Michael too. And Michael's got a Ziggy. And they had a Michael and Ziggy Party. It's called a Wedding, says the Princess. Lovely dresses. Just like in Hello magazine, according to HRH.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

The Tall One went away to carry on looking for Hot Pixies and then Little Dark One came to look after her. She's been doing tests. Think it's a bit like sheep dog trials. She has to round up Noggin the Nogs and Merlins and write about them sometimes in Old Cat. The Royal One don't understand it either.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

Eventually, the leg got a bit better and the Little Dark One went away and we went There. She did lots of gardening in the sunshine. Quite restful this gardening stuff. When she goes to the place with dead people in the garden, I normally stand in the room with two catflaps and shout till she gets back. But, I've found that if I go upstairs to her sleeping room, I can watch for her out of the window. And shout so that she knows I'm waiting for her to come back.



"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

Leg wrappers all gone at last and she promises that she won't ever do it again.

Since it's now All Offically Over, she's been in the clothes-and-shoe-cupboard a lot and we've had a succession of totally outrageous shoes.



We've had a lot of Right Royal nonsense about Jimmy Chews, Man-o-lows and Lamb Boots. Evidently, once you're not quite here any more, you don't mind when she puts on footwear that I can only describe as officially Not for Dog Walking. Hmmm, says the Princess, you just don't get the point do you. You see, I keep up with these things in all the right kind of magazines. Right kind of magazine indeed. Farmer's Weekly for Trollops more like.

All I can say is, they're Not for Dog Walking.

Bouquets from Mossie

Bouquets for looking after his MBNAD woman when she had the Various Vines and Fleas and while the Sewage flowed Under the Bridge

Lots of people have looked after her but these are the Ones who Deserve a Special Mention:

To the Lady who Lives Nextdoor with the Cat with No Teeth : for the Company

To Tinker Dog's Family : for the Love and Friendship of half a lifetime

To The Man with the Cat : for all the Listening Meals

To the Cat : for the Curses

To the Men of Sweyn's Eye and their Women : for the Laughter and Walking

To the Unseen Jo Lady : for Guarding her when I Can't

To the Hello Mister Woman : for the Long Night of Hugs

To the Lady from the Family : for the Love of Quilting

To the Hello Mister Woman's Girlie : for the Driving

To Bruce's Woman : for the Drowned Rat with the Opaque Eyes

To HMGD : for the Tiger who Came to Tea

To Gulfoss : for Telling her what she Already Knew

To the Cor Lummee Girlie : for the Fun and Signature Dish

To the Red-and-Gold Woman : for the Pearl and the Junk

To the Little Dark One : for the Love, Smiles, Hugs, Pignick and the Chuck Fest

To the Tall One : for the Love, Smiles, Hugs, Cooking and the Slow Burn Incendiary Blanket

To the Princess : for Staying

Birdwatching

Cor-Lummee-Girlie and Red-and-Gold Woman gone away. But not before Red-and-Gold Woman spotted the Electric Eagle Owl.


Took them to the car-on-rails stopping place. Mind you they took the peeing down rain away with them too. So she's been busy with turning junk into furniture. Dunno why she didn't just buy furniture in the first place. HRH makes a sharp remark about MBNAD woman and her need to collect junk but I remind her to keep her opinons to herself. Anyway, this turns out to be nice dependable junk.





"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella"

Went off for treatment too. But no fleas or leg holes. The other sort of treatment. The sort where she came back with sparkly, tarty toes.

We went to Cultural Mud too. I wasn't supposed to go but I legged it out of the door and sat by the car so she gave in. Mind, I only went to the Mud bit. Not allowed in to the Culture. Didn't mind really since I can sleep in the car and she can have Culture if she likes.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella"
Family lady came to visit and we spent the day at the market, seeing the kite and visiting the junk shop. Again.



Then it's gardening. Quite hard work this gardening stuff.




Small, baby in the garden. Fluffy and not even slightly electric. Guarded by a dozy Mossie.



"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella"