Praesento Vobis Hanc Mulierem

I like weekends normally. She don't go to work, makes me toast for breakfast and we have long walks with big hugs. It's even better if there are visitors or we go There.
First of all, it went quite well since we had to collect the Tall One from the place with the car on rails. He spent ages fussing over me. And me, snuffles the Princess. My ears, she said, longingly. After dinner, they chatted for ages and laughed and then my MBNAD woman said they needed to go to bed because we'd have to be up early.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

By "we" she didn't mean me. Lovely long walk, round the pond. Oh yes, very nice just before abandoning me. The Princess says there are some things that you can't even do if you're Royal. That's a first for her. She's always claimed she could do anything. To be reasonable, she said, I can't DO most things these days, but I can WATCH. Well, we both watched while the Tall One got dressed in something that looked very like work clothes. Very smart, he looked said the Princess. Then my MBNAD woman got dressed in something pretty woo hoo. All floaty and soft and Definitely-not-for-Dog-Walking shoes. This looks pretty bad. They're off somewhere and I'm not going to be allowed to come along if they're in smart gear. Humph

They went to Cambridge. It's just not fair. She don't dress up in woo hoo gear when we go there. She goes in Dog-Walkers and we meet the Little Dark One and we have walks that end with cheesy chips in pubs. I moan a bit and hang my head over the side of my bed just so they know I'm not happy.

But I went to watch, said HRH, so I can tell you what happened next. When they got there the Man with the Cat was there too. First of all they filled the cars up with the Little Dark One's stuff. Then the next bit was really strange. The Little Dark One got dressed up as a border collie. It was a fancy dress party. Oh, I did so used to like parties. There were lots of other people dressed up in collie costumes with some dressed as other dogs like poodles, and red setters with one chap dressed up like a big old bassett hound. And they stood around in the garden. all dressed up eating strawberries. Perhaps they didn't let you go because they would have confused you with all the pretend collies. Well, after the strawberry eating, all the ones in fancy dress, lined up and went off to a pretend dog show. They walked all through the streets to a special building where the dog show was held. The Man with the Cat, The Tall One and our MBNAD woman all watched. MBNAD woman got wet eyes again. Then they came back and drank more sparkly stuff. And that was it, says the Princess. Placet.



My day wasn't all bad, I spose. My DB came and we went for a ball throwing walk. Just me and her. Just like a date. Then she came back later and gave me my tea. Not all bad at all. She gave me a whole tin for dinner. MBNAD woman only does half a tin with crunchy food. Not all bad. Placet.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

Officially Very Clever

Turns out that the Little Dark One is as good at Noggin the Nog, Merlin the Magician and Swearing in Old Cat as I was at Sheepdog Studies. The Tall One is also officially Very Clever at Hot Pixie, Stargazy and Surely you Must be Joking.



My MBNAD woman and the Man with the Cat drink some sparkly pink stuff and MBNAD woman gets wet eyes. But not sad wet.

Of course, we royals didn't normally go to university in my day, sniffs HRH. Think she's a bit left out so I tell her that, if they were handing out degrees in Trollopy Princess Studies, she'd get a First too.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

Legs, Lies and Pink Shoes

She lied to me. Not like the Liar-Coward lied but even so I was pretty shocked. Right Leg all better. She was hopping and dancing and running. It was all wonderful. I sent bouquets to everyone. Then she went and did it all over again to the Other Leg. Off she went and came back with the leg all bandaged up and wrapped up in one of those nasty tight leg wrappers. And not the sort you put out for a Woo Hoo Christmas.

Well, the only consolation is that she ain't got any more legs.

She had to lie down a lot again and had wet nose and wet eyes. I tried really hard to look after her but I'm glad that the Tall One came to look after her again. At least we sat in the garden and had big hugs.



"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

The Tall One has had an operation too. Dunno what he had done but all the long long hair has gone. He don't seem to need any bandages or lying down.

They went to a special party while the Tall One was here. The Hello Mister Woman doesn't just have the Girlie, she's got a Michael too. And Michael's got a Ziggy. And they had a Michael and Ziggy Party. It's called a Wedding, says the Princess. Lovely dresses. Just like in Hello magazine, according to HRH.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

The Tall One went away to carry on looking for Hot Pixies and then Little Dark One came to look after her. She's been doing tests. Think it's a bit like sheep dog trials. She has to round up Noggin the Nogs and Merlins and write about them sometimes in Old Cat. The Royal One don't understand it either.

"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

Eventually, the leg got a bit better and the Little Dark One went away and we went There. She did lots of gardening in the sunshine. Quite restful this gardening stuff. When she goes to the place with dead people in the garden, I normally stand in the room with two catflaps and shout till she gets back. But, I've found that if I go upstairs to her sleeping room, I can watch for her out of the window. And shout so that she knows I'm waiting for her to come back.



"Night night Mossie, night night Bella"

Leg wrappers all gone at last and she promises that she won't ever do it again.

Since it's now All Offically Over, she's been in the clothes-and-shoe-cupboard a lot and we've had a succession of totally outrageous shoes.



We've had a lot of Right Royal nonsense about Jimmy Chews, Man-o-lows and Lamb Boots. Evidently, once you're not quite here any more, you don't mind when she puts on footwear that I can only describe as officially Not for Dog Walking. Hmmm, says the Princess, you just don't get the point do you. You see, I keep up with these things in all the right kind of magazines. Right kind of magazine indeed. Farmer's Weekly for Trollops more like.

All I can say is, they're Not for Dog Walking.

Bouquets from Mossie

Bouquets for looking after his MBNAD woman when she had the Various Vines and Fleas and while the Sewage flowed Under the Bridge

Lots of people have looked after her but these are the Ones who Deserve a Special Mention:

To the Lady who Lives Nextdoor with the Cat with No Teeth : for the Company

To Tinker Dog's Family : for the Love and Friendship of half a lifetime

To The Man with the Cat : for all the Listening Meals

To the Cat : for the Curses

To the Men of Sweyn's Eye and their Women : for the Laughter and Walking

To the Unseen Jo Lady : for Guarding her when I Can't

To the Hello Mister Woman : for the Long Night of Hugs

To the Lady from the Family : for the Love of Quilting

To the Hello Mister Woman's Girlie : for the Driving

To Bruce's Woman : for the Drowned Rat with the Opaque Eyes

To HMGD : for the Tiger who Came to Tea

To Gulfoss : for Telling her what she Already Knew

To the Cor Lummee Girlie : for the Fun and Signature Dish

To the Red-and-Gold Woman : for the Pearl and the Junk

To the Little Dark One : for the Love, Smiles, Hugs, Pignick and the Chuck Fest

To the Tall One : for the Love, Smiles, Hugs, Cooking and the Slow Burn Incendiary Blanket

To the Princess : for Staying

Birdwatching

Cor-Lummee-Girlie and Red-and-Gold Woman gone away. But not before Red-and-Gold Woman spotted the Electric Eagle Owl.


Took them to the car-on-rails stopping place. Mind you they took the peeing down rain away with them too. So she's been busy with turning junk into furniture. Dunno why she didn't just buy furniture in the first place. HRH makes a sharp remark about MBNAD woman and her need to collect junk but I remind her to keep her opinons to herself. Anyway, this turns out to be nice dependable junk.





"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella"

Went off for treatment too. But no fleas or leg holes. The other sort of treatment. The sort where she came back with sparkly, tarty toes.

We went to Cultural Mud too. I wasn't supposed to go but I legged it out of the door and sat by the car so she gave in. Mind, I only went to the Mud bit. Not allowed in to the Culture. Didn't mind really since I can sleep in the car and she can have Culture if she likes.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella"
Family lady came to visit and we spent the day at the market, seeing the kite and visiting the junk shop. Again.



Then it's gardening. Quite hard work this gardening stuff.




Small, baby in the garden. Fluffy and not even slightly electric. Guarded by a dozy Mossie.



"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella"

The Cor Lummee Girlie with the Woo Hoo dress

I knew that we would be going there since she had got lots of bags sorted. But I wasn't prepared for a new girlie. When she gets back in the evening, I hear the house making beeping noises and start to get myself out of bed so that I can give her a hug as soon as she opens the door. But, it wasn't just my MBNAD woman. There was another one. Young. Cor lummee. Forgot all about MBNAD woman and showed this new one what a gorgeous old Irish rogue I am. Cor lummee, indeed.

Then bundled into the car and off. With this new girlie. Taking her There.

Just before we got to the Throw Money at it Bridge, we veered off. Have to say I was a bit suspicious at that point. But, I misjudged. We stopped at one of the car-on-rails stopping places and there was Red-and-Gold-Woman. So we all have to fit in the car. And the Cor-Lummee-Girlie has to get in the back of the car with me. She's quite small so I still had most of the back seat for myself. Just resting my head on her leg a bit. The Princess said I was a tart. I'll be any kind of pudding you like for this sort of treatment.



Then over the Throw Money at it Bridge. "Wales, Mossie, Powys, Home". And there's still a line of gold and purple light over the hill.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

Not a good morning. They go off and leave me so I am forced to shout at the house till they get back. Apparently, they've been somewhere cultural. Hell-on-Wye, says the Princess. Then we sit in the garden and have tea and cake. A small amount of biscuit lands by me. Briefly. The Cor-Lummee-Girlie asks if it's bad for me. HRH sits tongue lolling out in that laughing way she has. Only if they find out, she says. Red-and-Gold-Woman does gardening while I go off with MBNAD woman for a long walk.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

Inexcusable. They go off and buy junk. They come back with the car full of junk.



The only bit that's not junk is the Woo Hoo dress that they got for the Cor-Lummee-Girlie. Then they spend all evening deciding what shoes and necklace and earrings and bangles and bags to go with the Woo Hoo Dress.

They've got all these trollopy magazines and start talking about unmentionables. I didn't know where to put myself. Yes, you did, said the Royal Trollop, in the middle of it all. Leering.




"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

Off to the market to choose jewellery for all of them. They come back with bags and bags of sparkles. And a small bit of cake.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

Penblwydd Hapus ...you know who you are