Burnham Wood and other metaphysical matters

Another week where she goes off to work, my divine Blonde takes me out for a walk, MBNAD woman comes back and we have dinner, she goes out sometimes in the evening and I shout at her. And so it goes. Then some deeply weird things happen. They usually involve MBNAD woman but one of them involved my Blonde. After taking me for a lovely walk, she brought a package into the house. It has tiny bone shaped treats stuck onto a tree shaped thing. When MBNAD woman gets back, she smiles at it and says, "Ooh Mossie, I don't think that Bella ever had an Advent Calendar". No, I didn't, but I did get some tree decorations and red-and-gold woman's old dog sucked some chocolate coins one Christmas, said the voice, you'll have lots of fun. And you MUST be nice to her.
So this is Christmas? Outside dogs don't have Christmas. What else will happen.

Then when we get to the end of the week, she starts doing the fussing thing with the car. I try really hard to make sure she won't leave me behind so I make sure I get in the car. "Ooof, Mossie, you are a soppy boy. I'm not going to abandon you". Does she mean it? While I'm sitting clinging onto the seat, wondering to myself whether she means it, she comes out of the house with a chair. Well, you'll have to put that on the roof, I think to myself, because I'm not shifitng. Next thing, she starts to fiddle with a switch in the car. She does a lot of playing around with buttons and switches mainly to make music come out, so I settle myself down, thinking I'm sorted. Then there's a draught over my head. What? How? The top of the car is disappearing. Yes, I meant that : disappearing. The top of the car is sliding away. I get up sharpish and have a quick shout at her just in case she doesn't spot what's happening. MBNAD woman doesn't seem surprised at all. Then she puts the chair in the car and the roof comes back. I think that she could have been burned for that kind of thing. I hope she doesn't get burned because I like being with her.

Supernatural matters dealt with, off we go. "Wales, Powys, home, Mossie."

Shopping. She took me to the Market Hall where a nice man called Eddie Stickmaker was selling walking sticks and shepherd's crooks. No sheep, but she wants a stick. She tells the man about the old white dog without having a wet moment and the man says he will make one for her. What about this boy; do you want one for him, he asks. Not for a few years yet she says.

We went to the place where she gets the deer. I'm not allowed inside but she comes out with more deer. For Christmas. I wonder if they scrape them all off the road or if there's somewhere else they come from.

Next she buys a tree. This garden thing looks obsessive to me. Back at the house, I expect her to start a digging hole for this tree. But no ... she brings it into the house. Then I realise that it's not real. She covers it with lights and baubles and tiny figures and then give me a hard stare and tells me not to pee on it. As if ... doesn't she realise that I am a true gentleman and would never pee indoors. Anyway I only pee on real trees. I have my standards. Which is more than you can say for people who bring trees indoors. "D'you think it's a bit naff, Mossie?" What can I say? It's not a real tree and it's indoors. She tells me that it was made popular by someone called Victoria'n'Albert who may have run a pub or been the Posh'n'Becks of their day. Either way, trees indoors ...




Christmas, says the voice. Lot's more strange stuff to come. You wait.

Cold sharp proper winter afternoon. We walk from the village up to the hills behind where a big, powerful bird is hovering over the fields. I know those birds are bad and have sharp talons and beaks. She thinks they are magnificent. Wouldn't think that if she was a rabbit.

We pass some sheepdogs who shout at me so I hid behind her legs. "Oh Mossie, you are soppy". Anyway, they come skittering down the lane towards us, showing off and then dart behind us. Ok, I steal myself for a bite at the back of the legs and I don't want her bitten either. I didn't reckon with what came next. MBNAD woman whirled round and yelled at them in a language that may be related to cat. Certainly good for swearing. They slunk off. She's good. On our way back, they came up all friendly-like. How'd your nose get like that, they ask? Fightin', I say as we sauntered off.