The Cat, The Witch and the Sideboard

I have a puzzle. It’s about the Tall One. Last week was all the usual nonsense about work and stuff. She seemed to have had a bad day in the middle of the week involving the bag that she carries around. Left it somewhere and then had a great outpouring of cat words. If she just wore a collar and was microchipped like me there’d be no problem.

One evening we went to the house with the Man and the Cat to give the Cat tea because the Man wasn't there. MBNAD woman rummaged around in a cupboard and got out some ambrosian cat food. No Cat. Where is she Mossie? I could have told her - upstairs locked in a bedroom. But it must have just slipped my mind.

Anyway, once the cat word day and cat in a bedroom day were out of the way, I settled down to work out if the weekend would be a Here or There weekend. Here (although, if we’re There does There become Here?).

I’ll get to the puzzle in a minute. Saturday she did all that busy stuff involving wall-string-box-brush and chemicals and washing and beds. I like it better when the house smells a bit more, how shall I put it, DOG. Me too, said the voice. I used to put my ears to good use in that pursuit but she always did the de-stinking thing. I just stand and watch the whole thing, my eyes glazing over.

We went out for a nice walk to one of the fields where she can throw a ball for me. It was a cold crisp frost angel kind of day. Mainly the old white dog stays on her step in the house and doesn’t bother to come out but she likes frosty days. She showed me this grand trick. When we used to go out for walks, MBNAD woman used to throw the ball and I would run after it, catch it and chase it round a bit then take it back to her and drop it by her feet. Then we’d do it all over again until one of us had enough. Anyway, on Saturday, the voice said, Not like that. Let me tell you how it goes. So MBNAD woman throws the ball, I run up to it and point with my nose to show her where it is and wait for her to run across to collect it. Then we do it all over again. No need to go to the gym with all that running around. “Stop teaching him bad ways!” she shouts. Not actually bad ways, I think but maybe the sort of thing you just assume if you're a princess.

Nearly at the puzzle. So we get to my afternoon walk and I think we’re going to settle down in the warm. Not likely. “C’mon, Mossie. In the kitchen.” What? Can’t be going to work on a Saturday evening. I don’t think she does that kind of work. “I’ll have a nice treat when I get back – you wait and see”. Bah.
Curl up and sleep. Yes, I had my dinner to keep me busy for about 38 seconds, then I may have just dozed off when the door opened and in came the Tall One. “You see, I told you I had a nice treat for you”. Oh yes, oh yes.

Here’s the puzzle. Where did she go to get him? If she went to get him from the railway, then I must have been asleep longer than I thought because the railway place is nearly There. But before, she went to get him from the house with the Cat and the Man and that's nearly Here. This time she says she went to London. Not sure whether that's Here or There. So where does he go? Maybe there’s a secret passage between these places. Perhaps someone could help me out.

So yesterday, we went out for a walk with the Tall One and I showed him the new ball trick. He thought it was really funny. We went around the pond on the old white dog’s special walk. I don’t have a problem with the Pooh Sticks Bridge any more and once we were over it I really got into my stride and got a good trot going. “Mossie, Stop! Stop ! Stop!” yelled the MBNAD woman. But I was in the groove so just kept going. The Tall One started to canter after me but I was well ahead. Then she did the strangest thing. She stopped and shouted “Bella, just tell him to stop at that post!”.



Stop at the post and wait for her, said the voice. Do it NOW. Wait and you go back on the lead and then she gives you a treat and you cross the road. DON’T run into the road, because you’d be squashed and believe me, the Venision Centre don’t sell collie burgers.

So, I did what she said and the MBNAD woman and the Tall One trotted up and did the whole lead/ treat thing. But how did she know to tell the old white dog? Because I always wait on the Pooh Sticks Bridge for her, said the voice. Oh. Think that she may be a witch after all.

We went visiting to see the Cat and the Man. The Cat took one look at me and said, right you, you Collie. I was upstairs waiting for my tea the other night and you just ignored me. I’m off through that catflap and you make sure you leave it alone. I stuck my head through it and the Cat was the other side saying some words. When she came to Catflap Cottage, there’s an old cupboard in the sitting room that she climbed into. She spent quite a lot of Christmas curled up in there. When I put my nose in through the door she screamed abuse at me. On the whole she seemed to like being in there and I thought that cat-in-a-cupboard seemed like a good idea. The Man has got a cupboard very like the one in Catflap Cottage so perhaps the Cat could climb in there if the Man just left the door open a bit. Perhaps you could shut the door once she's in there and then she could cuss to her heart's delight.

“Night night Mossie, night night Bella”.

And now the Tall One’s gone. She magicked him away again.