Whistle down the wind

There, but we didn't have to wait till the end of the week to get There. Middle of the week, she arrived back from work early and started filling up the car quickly and we were gone. Lots of cars on the road and she kept speaking to them in cat. When we got to the place where she stops to buy bread and meat to eat on the way, I got myself perched in the looking-over-her shoulder-in-a-meaningfully-hungry way but no bread and meat and back on the road with no hanging about, looking at her time-checker and little talk-box. She calls someone on the talk-box and says that we're still on schedule. Conclude that we're on the run from the Law and we need to Get Over the Border before they Catch Up with Us. It's probably something to do with her being a witch.

Over the Throw Money at It Bridge. "Wales, Mossie". Perhaps there are different laws about witches in Wales and that's why we're in such a hurry. Then she stops at a pub. Not one of our favourite pubs, in fact, not one we've been to before. I get myself ready to hop out of the car on account of her not eating everything on her plate in pubs but it's "No, Mossie, I'll be back in a minute". Humph.

Red-and-Gold woman. She fetched Red-and-Gold woman out of the pub. Perhaps that's where she lives. Don't be daft, says the voice. She lives with the Tall Man who keeps chocolate biscuits by his bed. I know, I ahem, acquired, them once. They don't live in a pub. They live by a big river and have peasants in their garden. They leave biscuits on the lawn for the peasants. I acquired them too. Biscuits, that is. Not the peasants. Though they're nice with roast potatoes.

Back on the road, we've outrun the law. "Powys, Home" she says in that happy way that she does when we're There.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

She takes Red-and-Gold woman to see the big bad birds having their dinner. I stay well out of it as they take their cameras and special glasses. Bruce says that the special glasses are called buynose but I think that he may be having a laugh at the expense of my poor old scarred snout.




For tea, MBNAD woman buys a pie that she says is made by people called Kate and Sidney. She puts down the metal tray it came in for me to lick clean. Kate and Sidney are grand pie makers. My only problem is the metal tray. It slides all over the kitchen. And she laughs that witchy laugh. And Red-and-Gold woman joins in. Then the old white dog tells me that the U way to lick dishes clean is to hold them down with one paw and then you can lick the paw clean afterwards.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

A blowy day so we go to the Market where she gets meat and cheese and the outside of a sheep. I have a really good look to see where the innards have gone, but no, it's just the outside. Must have been a big fluffy one when it had innards. Apparently, it was called Jacob. Well, I'm called Mossie but just don't think about taking out my stuffing.



We go out on the hills in the rain. Not soft, warm rain, but cold, sharp rain. It's blowy and this sharp rain gets round my tail and blows me along. Red-and-Gold woman says I look like an out of control supermarket trolley.

Visitors, so she does dead deer dinner. There's the Lady who comes to visit who seems to be related to MBNAD woman and another Lady from the same litter. But she says that she comes all the way from the other side of the world. So I guess that being witches is in the family. They all make a fuss of me. Love, fuss and one of Kate and Sidney's pies. Heaven.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

When it's cold they wear hand coverings. I used to have a coat, says the Princess. In fact, I had two. One was a bit naff but the other one kept me dry. I only got them when I got old 'cos I used to get cold. But I didn't have anything to keep my paws warm. Well, when we were out walking in the sharp rain, their clothes got really wet. I got wet too, but a good shake sorted that out. By the morning, everything was dry except Red-and-Gold woman's hand coverings. So she put them in a small wall-string-box called a popty ping. When they came out they were smoking and she put them in the bin. Dunno why she had to cook them first.

Up and out to see a garden. Don't know why they have to go so far to see a garden when there's a perfectly good one out the back. Apparently, it's not a garden, it's a Garden. I wasn't allowed in on account of peeing on plants.

After the Garden, they have outside food. Outside food is called pignicking. I don't think that they stole it, but I ate up the spare evidence, just in case.



They went to cultural soup in the evening. They went with the Lady who lives next door. I stayed home and shouted.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

In the morning, they went to look at lambs, then off to the house with dead people in the garden. I stayed home and shouted.

In the car, take Red-and-Gold Woman to just over the English border where she leaves to go back to the Tall Man. Then MBNAD woman turns Here back to There again.

I was a bit tired in the evening on account of the shouting.

"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella".

Everything I know, I learnt from ...

Every week she takes all the bed coverings off and puts clean ones on. Personally, I don’t get it. The ones she takes off are just starting to smell right and the new ones just smell of washing stuff. Another couple of weeks and they would be even nicer. As she takes the old ones off, she throws them on the floor and I give them a good sniff.

Go on, they are just lovely, says the voice. You could curl up on there and get so comfortable. Every week, she tells me the same thing.

But I’m just not sure. This may be something that Princesses can do but might earn a Colliewobble a beating. Oh, for Heaven’s sake, sighs the Princess, she don’t do beatings. They’re not her style. She might give you a Hard Stare and Go-to-your-bed-NOW but she don’t do beatings. That’s Bad People. MBNAD – remember? Give it a try, wheedles the agent provocateur.


So I moved sideways onto the heap of bed things but just waited for a bit in case I was in trouble.


But she just laughed.
“Stop teaching him bad ways, Bella!”
That witchy laugh that means that it’s ok.







Well, it’s more than ok.
It’s grand.





Curling up on the soft cotton bed things that smell of her, warm soft witchy smell.

She can sleep on my bed if she likes.

And the Academy Award for the Best Leading Man ...

One night a week (Thursday, it's Thursday, best day of the week, chortles the voice) she carries a bag with rubbish and boxes with old bottles and paper to the front of the drive. Early the next day, some men take the stuff away. I always used to help her take the rubbish to the bottom of the drive, I am reminded, so it's your job now. I always tried to save some, the occasional chicken carcass or piece of old cheese. She always made me put it back though, complained HRH. Now, I know about helping. I can round up sheep any day of the week. Can't see why she needs helping with this but if the Princess tells me I need to do it, then I'll help. I like being with MBNAD woman in any case.
After taking the rubbish out I went to sniff at her car just in case she wanted to go out. Just so I was positioned to get in. "No, Mossie, c'mon back in", she hollered so I trotted across to her. That's when it happened. Just outside the house there's a little drain hole and one of my paws slipped into it. I was so focused on getting back indoors, that I kept running. Well three of my legs did. Oouff. Ouch. While I was trying to work out what happened she ran back and picked me up and carried me back in. Then she checked my poorly paw, washed the red stuff away and then hugged me better. We got really comfortable sitting on the floor. Her working clothes probably need a bit of a clean now but I think that I did give her a good chance to show her caring nature. Oscar-winning performance, said the voice, couldn't have done better myself.

From the Edge of the World to the Land of the Pixies

Off in the car for quite a long journey, but not as far as There. I know this place, yes, oh yes, squealed the voice as the MBNAD woman drove onto a narrow road, I used to own all this. We came here so many times and I used to play in the water and, on one excellent visit, she cooked sausages and I got one. It was a bit gritty and I don’t think she meant me to have it but she didn’t seem to want it back after so I got to keep it. My special place. When I got to be old (which is before I became young again), I used to come here in my dreams. This is one of the best places ever.



With that kind of build up, I was expecting something pretty spectacular but it was just odd, really odd. I have learnt a lot of stuff since moving in with MBNAD woman like wall-strings and Here-and-There and Woo Hoo Christmas but I wasn’t prepared for this. This was the Edge of the World. It’s covered in fine, grey-brown like earth but not the same. It felt gritty between my toes. But that wasn’t the worst bit – it ended in water. Not just a washing bowl of the stuff but lots of it. All the edge of the world is wet. Some other dogs were running in and out but I’ll have to pong a lot more before you get me in there. If you go into the water, you might fall off the Edge of the World.

MBNAD woman forgot to take the play ball so I kept having to borrow other people’s. We walked in the wind till it was nearly Mossie the Kite. And I don’t mean the big bad bird sort. It’s alright for people in hats and sheep coats but I was getting blown away and I didn’t want to be blown off the Edge of the World. The Old White Dog was skittering about, running in and out of the water, pausing only to drink it. Bleeuuch… It’s alright for her, she won’t be sick. Never was then, said the voice. Only fruit cake and a very large bar of chocolate. On reflection, the chocolate was still worth stealing.

Eventually, we came away from the Edge of the World and went to a pub where there was a lovely fire. The sort you can put your tail in front of till it starts to singe. And they read the papers and had dinner. I got some left over fish, potatoes and vegetables so I suppose it made going to the Edge of the World worthwhile.

“Night night Mossie, Night night Bella”.

Another car journey but still not There. A really big place, bigger even than where the Little Dark One lives. She knocks on the door of a strange house and I begin to wonder what she’s up to now. After yesterday, who can tell? It’s where the Tall One lives. Off in the car to a nice pub. One of the really great things about MBNAD woman is that she never eats all the food on her plate in pubs and I get the bits she doesn’t eat. Roast beef. Grand. I lick my tongue all the way round my face, right to the edges to show her how much I liked it.

We walked along the edge of some water. Like a river but straighter and more even with lots of funny things like cars floating on it. They’re called narrow boats, says the voice. We went sailing on a narrow boat once, me and MBNAD woman and the Litter. You can run all through the middle of the boat and watch the ducks and people.

There was a very small dog, all fluffy, young and very silly. Called Tottie. And she’ll grow up to be beautiful Tottie and all I’ll be able to do is dream. Pah.


The Tall One tells her all about what he’s working on. Pixies. Maps for Hot Pixies. And how reliable are Hot Pixies. I could tell you about leprechauns but not sure about pixies. And why are they hot? Can you have them for tea? Didn’t have hot pixies, but they did have something called crumpets.
Toasted.

Buttered

I looked very sad.

They gave in.

Delicious.


Then she hugged the Tall One and off we went. I’ll stay with him for a little bit, says the voice.

“Night night Mossie, Night night Bella”.

Hiraeth

A There weekend. I know what to expect now but I still made sure that I sat in the driving seat in the car once she started filling it with bags and baskets. We had a short discussion, which I lost, on where I should really sit. Then on the way, stopping for bread and meat while she listens to the car music. We don’t really stop again, although we slow down just after we pass the sign that tells us we’re in Wales. When she slows down, she throws money at a box and then we’re allowed to enter Wales properly. It’s free to get out again, says the voice.

“Wales, Powys, Mossie, Home”. Well, it makes her happy.

The morning starts bright and foggy. The sort of bright and foggy that means it’s going to be a warm day. We walk round the village, look at the garden and chat to the Lady Next Door. She wants to show MBNAD woman her washing room since the builder has been recently. Off they go upstairs leaving me and The Dog with Leanings and the Cat with No Teeth downstairs. Cat made some rude remarks about us being a nice pair of boys and curled up to sleep. I stood by the front door waiting to leave. I didn’t start it but there he was poking that pointy nose in my earhole. I told him that I’m just not that sort of a boy but not quite in those words.



Off in the car to meet Eddie Stickmaker who has made her a walking stick. My stick, says the voice. A beautiful stick. A stick of wonder. Me. Immortalised in a stick. It’s all about Me. See, it’s got my sad, princess eyes. Me. A Bella stick. A Princess stick. The other worldly Super Model is prancing about, showing off.

Can you see how beautiful it is? She tells me that I could have a stick too. No thanks, not yet. But if you wanted a stick, I'll bet that Eddie would make one for you. You probably don't even have to be, you know, not quite here any more.




MBNAD woman drives to the top of the mountain and looks out at the view, stroking the top of the stick. Wet eyes and nose for a bit. I gave her a big hug and we looked at the view together. Me, her and the Old White Dog.



Then she looks at the sky and says “Yes” in a meaningful way and starts messing about with some straps and then I’m chained to the car. Am I holding the car down, or is it holding me down? I settle down for a little rest when she starts to play with the buttons at the front of the car. The last time she did that, the top came off and disappeared and she stuck a chair in next to me. I sit patiently waiting for furniture when she starts to drive off. Nose in the wind, I can smell all sorts rushing past. Good isn’t it, says the voice. ‘Spose so.

At the Farmers’ Market, she bought something for lunch called a Scotch Egg. Clearly, the Scots have different kinds of chicken to the ones I’m used to. Eggs are alright as long as you don’t eat the shells but I didn’t mind eating this shell. That maybe explains what came next.

More watching men running around chasing a ball. Same men in red but this time the others were in blue. 30-15, 30-15. “Woo hoo. Mossie.” I think that we may have an international incident in early March. Best you apply for naturalisation, says the voice. That sounds like I might lose something else but as far as I can see, there’s nothing left to go. I’ll just keep my head down.

She went off to the Tanners without me. I shouted a bit. Alright, more than a bit. When she came back it was bed time. I humphed at her so she carried my bed upstairs and I glared at her till one of us went to sleep.

“Night night Mossie. Night night Bella”

In the morning it was colder and brighter with lots of frost. After the walk, I expected her to go off to the building with dead people but we went in the car to the mountain where we walked for ages looking for the big bad birds that she likes so much. She’s not very good at seeing without glasses and she has new extra glasses to look at the big birds. Seemed very pleased with these new extra glasses. “Oh Mossie , they are wonderful”. You wouldn’t say that if they took you home for tea.



She had food looking out towards the mountains and I slept in the sunshine.

And then we went back again. But she really didn’t want to go. I wouldn’t mind staying There all the time either. As long as I can go to the Tanners. Me too, says the voice.

“Night night Mossie. Night night Bella”

Wishy washy Mossie

MBNAD woman announced that I smelt bad. "You pong!" She used to call me a stinky poodle, said the voice. Not sure which was more insulting, being called stinky or a poodle. The Little Dark One called me stinky P. But I think that she meant it kindly. So I smelt a bit strong. A bit Boy, a bit Dog, a bit Agricultural. So what.

What was a wash. She has a washing room with a big bowl. She filled it up with water. Well I know what to do when that's going on. Down the stairs and hide in my bed, pronto. She came down the stairs and hooshed me up and when I got to the washing room, I lay as flat as I could. Didn't work. She picked me up and put me in the water. Then she rubbed some green stuff into my fur and it made bubbles. I felt like a right idiot. Then she washed off the bubbles and lifted me out and wrapped me up in a big towel. I smell like a tart's handbag.



And then yesterday she went off to work in a strange car. She was gone a long day and she came back late. My Divine Blonde came to take me for my walk and then came back in the evening. That's when MBNAD woman should be Here to take me for a walk, give me my dinner and give me big hugs. Especially now that I don't pong. Don't get me wrong. I was impressed with the DB's dinner making since she knew where to find my tea and everything. It's just that MBNAD woman needs to understand that if we're an item, I expect her to be here.

Dunno where she went. Said something about flying to Hamster Jam. There's plenty of jam in the top cupboard so I don't know what she's on about. Didn't think you made jam from hamsters anyway. And as for this flying lark. Didn't smell like she'd been drinking but when she starts talking nonsense, I have to wonder.




She came back in the strange car too and didn't smell like after a normal day at work. But she still took me for a walk, so I suppose she remembered how much I look forward to our evening walk.

She'll always come back to you, said the voice. And I'm here.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella"

Visiting

I went visiting all on my own. To the house with the Man and the Cat. MBNAD woman packed a little box and said some nice words to me. I need to listen out for the soppy words because it usually means that she's going out. "Back soon, be a good boy, aren't you lovely". Pah. Anyway, the Man who lives with the Cat took me home and I slept at his house. The Cat wasn't pleasant. The next day she came back. I made darned sure she wasn't going to palm me off with soppy words again. Got in the car. Where she normally sits. Don't think that driving can be that difficult.
A Here weekend with lots of fuss about watching television. Men dressed in red and men dressed in white playing fetch. MBNAD woman kept shouting and cheering. 19-26, 19-26. Lots of woo hoo noises.
Not exactly a Here weekend since we went to visit the Little Dark One. She lives near a good Mossie pub where I looked sad and got chips.

I nodded off in the car and when I woke up we were back Here.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella".