Mea Culpa

It's taken me all week to confess to this, but I think she knew anyway. Who else could have done it. Not the old white dog. Last Sunday morning, she went off to the place where they have dead people in the garden but I wasn't allowed to go. "Back soon, Mossie" she said. I just don't know what soon is. She left the kitchen door open so as soon as she left I had another go at the catflap on the outside door. Took hardly any time at all to get it off and then it broke completely. Big hole in door so I could stick my head through and shout at her when she came back. "Oh Mossie, I only fixed that yesterday". I knew that. "I haven't got time to fix it now. You are a wicked boy". What does this mean. Might she send me away? Then she was cooking something - more deer, I think. They probably kill quite a lot of them on the roads round here. A visitor. She seems to be good at feeding visitors. Looks a bit like MBNAD woman and the short dark one but not from the same litter as either of them. Once they finish the deer, MBNAD woman says that she need to sort out the door. I watch her carefully, just peeping round the kitchen door in case she is cross with me. This time she gets a big piece of wood and tools and, making humphy noises, screws the wood over the hole in the door. That'll be more of a challenge, says the voice. Don't think I ever ate anything quite that substantial but I managed all the edges of a table and most of a dog bed in my younger days. "Humph, humph, stop telling him bad things Bella". By this time there is snow coming outside and she says we have to go otherwise we'll be "snowed in". Whatever .. I make sure I'm in the car first and we set off through all the soft white stuff. Shame, says the voice, we could have made snow angels. Snow WHAT? Back to the other house, sheepless work, walks with the Blonde. I am beginning to see a pattern here. Then we get to Friday. She takes me for my short walk when she gets home and then gets changed. I don't recognise these clothes: not dog walking and not work. Are we going in the car to the other house? Paint and smells though. In the car, but not me. "Back soon, Mossie" she said. I just don't know what soon is. When she got back she had a big package with garden stuff in it. I have noticed she likes to cut up bits of the garden and put them in pots of water in the house. This garden stuff smelled weird. Didn't come from her garden and a bit of it poked my nose. Ouch. Yesterday morning, she took me out for a great walk in the frost and we played blue bouncy ball. "Oh Mossie, this is great snow angels weather". She looks like she might have wet eyes and nose again.



Today, she was up fussing in the kitchen early. Another thing with string sticking in the wall - bowl-whizzer-box-wallstring. Lots of fruit, butter and eggs and things things smell like they might make you sneeze. After fussing and mixing, she emptied it all into some pots and put it into the oven. I think that may have a wallstring too since she never brings in coal. She is probably burning the stuff now. Maybe I'll get some to eat later. No, don't bother. It made me very sick. says the voice. The house smells warm and she is going to take me for another walk. Oh yes, yes, yes.

Bread of Heaven

Since we arrived so late, I would have thought she would have been a bit tired today but she has been doing useful things all day. I'm tired just watching her.
But first I have to tell you about this morning. Breakfast is another strange thing. Sometimes she makes a bowl of something that looks like someone has eaten it first. To be honest, I'm not that bothered that she doesn't want to share a dish of sick with me. On weekends, she does something truly amazing. It starts with putting some magic dust in a wall string box that goes chunter and whirr for a while and then it begins to smell warm and then it smells just grand and the magic dust turns to bread. She takes the bread out of the wall string box and then slices it up and burns it. After burning it she puts some sweet stuff on it and gives me a little bit with butter. The burning machine has a wall string too. Now if she put the wall sting box in the bed it would be warm and smell great.
So she was a bit busy with other stuff when she was using the wall string burner. After spreading the sweet stuff on a piece of burnt bread, she got some other stuff and spread it on my piece. I have no idea what it is but that voice is back saying shut up, you'll like this bit.
Well I have never eaten anything like it before. Sticky, sweet, salty, nutty, weird, nice. Shame about your ears, says the voice. Nothing wrong with my ears, rather perky and intelligent looking. Yes, says the voice, but you can't save anything for later with short ears. Oh.
Then a man arrives with floor covers for the room attached to the kitchen. This is the room with the catflaps at either end. She spends all day fussing about it. Moving stuff, putting up new window covers. Up and down steps all day.
There Mossie, doesn't it look nice now. Ummm. Yes, spose so.
Catflaps are back in place too. For the moment.
We are sitting by a box with a window with a fire inside. No string with this. The fire can't spit at me so I don't mind sitting by it. She had to use some cat words to get it to start.
If she's not careful it will be
"Night night Mossie, Night night Bella" here in front of the fire.

Catflap Cottage redux

So she gets back from work (still no smell of sheep) and off we go on my pre-prandial stroll. Then she puts a nice dinner for me and while my brain is occupied stuffing my face, she starts filling up the car with bags and boxes again. This looks serious and I think that it may precede a kitchen lock-in. So, I swiftly polish off the last of the dinner and head to the car. While she's fussing with the back of the car, I try getting in but I can't get into the back seat where she has blanket for me. So, I settle myself down and sit on the seat next to her and curl up so I look really small. Not much of me hangs over the edge. Well done says a voice. I knew you'd work it out.
MBNAD woman comes out and laughs but doesn't shove me off the seat. Result.
Then off we go. Long drive like we did with red-and-gold woman. Lots of other cars giving rise to some extreme cat-language from MBNAD woman.
Wales, Mossie. Powys. Home.
Aha - it's that house again. No need for ears back and head down this time. I know it's ok. Even if there is that dog with leanings next door. Sticking his nose in my bottom is just nice manners but poking it into my ears strikes me as a bit personal.
Then she's off being busy. Definitely MAD.
It's certainly my bedtime even if MBNAD woman thinks that it's time for fiddling with unpacking books and bottles and putting up pictures. Then more weird stuff that I just had to watch.
She has a jug with a wall string which she fills with water. Then the water gets really hot. Normally she uses the jug-with-wall-string to make tea but tonight she gets a bag and fills it with the hot water. Then puts a stopper in the top of the bag and then puts the bag in her bed. She seems to get cold so the bag will keep her warm. Now if the wall string makes the water in the jug hot why doesn't she just put the wall string in her bed?
Or even better, why not a Mossie to curl up on the end of the bed? No, no, says the voice. She needs to think that you need the hug, not her.
"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella. We'll need to sort out those catflaps tomorrow." We certainly will.

Of strings and things

Lovely lovely walk. Today she didn't do the work thing so early. I still wonder what it is that she's doing without involving sheep. Anyway off for a walk and just before we got to the door, she went back. I thought, oh no, she's changed her mind. No back to the kitchen for a bag with bread. Halfway through the door, she goes back again. Aha, this is it, I thought, another one of her ploys to get me into the kitchen. But no, just going back to collect the bouncy blue ball. She's going to need some training if she keeps fogetting things.


Then off round the pond. There's a little platform and she got out the paper bag. Bread bits. So I sat neatly. Nothing. Can you believe this? She threw them at a duck. At a duck! And every piece missed and it didn't fetch and it didn't sit neatly and it didn't put its head on her knee. I have no idea why you would throw bread at ducks but it made her happy enough and, generally speaking, I like it better when she's happy. As soon as we walked off the duck started collecting the bread bits.

Off to the bridge. I'm used to it now.



Then back to the house and the kitchen routine but I don't mind because the nice Blonde takes me out too.

When MBNAD woman comes home she does this cleaning thing. Does it a lot. She has a brush on a stick which I steer clear of. Some people can't be trusted with stick-brushes. But the other thing is just weird. It's like the stick-brush but it has a big box on it and a string that she sticks in the wall. You couldn't make this stuff up could you? Sticking a string in the wall. It makes a huge amount of noise whereas stick-brush is quiet. Stick-brush-box-string sucks up dog hair. To begin, I would stay as far away as possible but she only uses it for sucking up dog hair. Boy does it suck up dog hair. Pretty soon the box is full of my hair and she empties it into the bin. "Enough to make a spare dog Mossie". That worries me a bit because it does suggest that she doesn't know even the most basic facts of life. Perhaps that's why I was done - maybe she didn't know I had a use for them.
Then she's doing that wet thing from the eyes and nose again. I guess if she could make a spare dog it would be the old white one.
"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella".

Bridge too far over troubled water

I cannot even imagine why I am telling you these next bits.

Where MBNAD woman takes me for my morning and evening walk, there are two small bridges. Really little, if I stretched out properly, I could reach both ends. So why did this happen? Just before the bridge there's one of these bin things that people put dog poo in. The smell is just great, so I suppose I was a bit distracted. I probably didn't have my head and feet going the same way. Great sense of flying. Briefly. Big splash. I fell off the bridge.
MBNAD woman laughed. "Oh, oh, oh", she wheezed, "Bella never did that".
No, I didn't, said the voice, but sometimes, I got down there anyway. Mud's great isn't it.

In the evening, there was this beautiful girl. Black Labrador. Gorgeous. Get a load of this. C'mon big boy, I'm all yours. Man with her gets a bit worried, "She's in season, so I'm trying to keep her away from other dogs". MBNAD woman smiles and says "He can't do anything about it; he's missing the necessary bits". Oh marvellous. Broadcast it, why don't you.

I slink off. Spirit willing, flesh extracted.

Newton's law of cat flaps

Just when I turned my back, they escaped. There is a hole in the door with a flap thing for cats. I expect the cat with bad language swore at it every time she went through. Certainly swore at me. Isaac Newton invented the cat flap. If he had one with language like that, he wouldn't have gone round making holes in doors. And then what happened next wouldn't have happened.
If I stuck my head through the hole, I could see outside so I reckoned that if I worked on it, then I could get all the way out. Didn't work though. There's just a hole in the door now.
"Oh Mossie" she said. But didn't shout.

Tall man had cake and I put my head on his leg for ages but he didn't give me any. But he did stroke my ears.

Then they all got dressed up and went out again. Leaving me in the kitchen. Another cat flap. Another hole in the door. Still didn't get out. For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. I chewed and the cat flap fell off. Pretty equal and opposite to the result I wanted.

"Oh Mossie" she said.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella" Did he really eat two cat flaps? "Mmmm"

Sunday 4th November
Man and red-and-gold woman went away today leaving me with MBNAD woman. She did more cutting up and digging and I supervised.
Then just as I was thinking about some tea, she packed everything up in the car and off again. This is really confusing. Monmouthshire, England, back again Mossie.
Ah, it's the house that I know. That's ok. In fact, that's grand. I like this place. There's a special step for the old white dog and that's ok with me.



I sniff the special stair as she goes to bed.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella"

Terra Incognita

Another house. Smells of MBNAD woman, small dark one, another one (male, can't work him out but he had been in the other house too), THAT cat (the one with the bad language) and the white dog. For an old dog, she seemed to get around a lot. Lots of fuss with red-and-gold woman who doesn't know this house. Bed time.
"Night night, Mossie. Night night Bella". MBNAD woman is still sad, but doesn't cry and seems happier here. I wish I was too.

Friday 2nd November
Busy day. We go to a town with a place called a market. Fish, meat, eggs, cheese. None of it for me. MBNAD woman is really smiley today. She takes me everywhere with her, no going to work and she wears dog walking clothes all day.
In the afternoon we go for a walk and I meet some little boys who want to play ball. They are really good at throwing and didn't mind too much when the ball got holes in it. One of the smaller ones said the ball smelt of dog and was covered in dog spit. I wouldn't have minded if he spat on it too.
In the evening, MBNAD woman cooked something that smelled of heaven. Even better than jacket potato but I didn't get any of it. Called it venison but I reckon it was deer. She shared it with red-and-gold woman and another one who has a sheepdog called Smokey who seems to have leanings. Now, I'm all for diversity but there are limits. When they were still there, I speak of my sad loss, I wouldn't have stood for it but I suppose life is different now. Anyway, he seems to have been deprived in the same way as I have and he's an old boy, but it still didn't put him off. I'll have to watch out for that gleam in his eye.

"Night night Mossie. Night night Bella". Sleep well. Who said that?

Saturday 3rd November

They do something called gardening. It seems to be a bit like farming in miniature. A lot of cutting up, digging holes and putting in plants. Red-and-gold woman is really keen on this gardening thing and I can sit in the sunshine and watching them. This way they can't escape without me noticing.



We walk to the big building called a church and MBNAD woman asks if I can go in. Well if they can so can I. Funny big old building, quite cold and draughty. No sleeping or washing rooms that I can see at all. I like her gardens better. This garden is full of stones and underneath the stones are dead people. Not good.

Man arrives for food. Very tall, belongs with red-and-gold woman.

Girls, girls, girls

Wednesday 31st
Off she goes to this work. I am learning to spot it now - off with the dog walking clothes, a lot of washing, adding extra smells and paint and then different clothes and really silly shoes. Once I have spotted this, I make sure that I don't go into the kitchen room. Doesn't work of course because she does manage to get me in there. Soft words about being a "good boy" and how she will be back. But how can I tell? And how long will she need to be away? She tells me that someone will come to see me but who are they and why?
A few small woofs, but I hear her car going away. Why can't I go to work too?
Some time later, I hear the door open and the front of the house making this high pitched bleepy noise. It does it when she leaves and when she comes back, so I get ready to tell her how much I love her. But it's not her. Another woman, younger, pretty, with long blonde hair. Boy does she smell good - horses, dogs, cats, all sorts. She knows who I am and really makes a fuss of me. Then she gets my lead. Perhaps I am going to work with her? Off to her van, other dogs and then for a great walk with more and more new smells. Young really fluffy dog went chasing after a horse and I had to make sure the others behaved while that was all going on. I've never tried herding horses but I think that it's a lot harder than sheep. For a start they're bigger and have hard hooves. Some training needed, I feel, so perhaps I can help the Blonde to educate this one. And then back in the van and back to the house. No work. Strange. But I did like her and she called me a "sweetie". Old Irish charm still there, boy.
Back to sleep for a bit and I hear the door/bleep again. Sniff, different woman. Oh I like this one too. She chats away to me like crazy and has wonderful red and gold curly hair.
Another walk. Definitely no work going on today. She knows the pond walk and obviously knew the white dog and is a bit sad about her but not like MBNAD woman and the little dark one.
Then MBNAD woman is back and we have our evening walk and then she reads a paper left by red-and-gold woman. "You have had a lucky day for walks, haven't you Mossie?" But shes's not cross with me.

Thursday 1st November
Same routine for walking, her disappearing for work, walk with pretty Blonde.
Red-and-gold woman arrives again, with bags this time. Is she moving in? Small dark one came with bags too so perhaps it's just temporary. Anyway, she knows the walking places so that's grand with me.
MBNAD woman gets back and it's all busy again. Changing clothes - check out they are more like dog walking clothes, so that's ok. Then bags, baskets, boxes all into the car. No don't leave me, please. Desperate, I cling to her legs, leaning on her so it's hard for her to go. Red-and-gold woman suggests letting me go to the car. No idea what they are doing but at least I am not being left behind.
They chat all the time, sometimes including me in the conversation, but I don't really know what to say, so I curl up and sleep. Long drive. "Wales" says MBNAD after a while, then, "Powys", then "Home".
"Come on, Mossie, out you come". I am not sure I like what's going on.